2015 was a tumultuous year for my relationship: so many questions, so many mistakes, so much hurt, too much drama and too many fingers pointed. I always reminded him that every time he pointed a finger at me, there were four fingers pointing back at him. The same was true for me.
As a spiritual person, I have always heard stories about being unequally yoked — and yoked we were not. While we were both ambitious, he was ambitious with reckless abandon, while I was ambitious with caution. After all, when you fail to plan, you plan to fail. His solution was that there was never a need for plan B.
Without taking the time and attention it would take to detail the millions of reasons we were not right for each other, I will just say that the relationship ended.Just as ending any other relationship, I was filled with emotion and thoughts of what ifs, but ultimately I realized it was the best thing that could happen — and that it needed to happen. The relationship taught me several things.
1. Follow your instincts
It is one thing to follow your heart, but make sure that your heart and your head are on the same page. My grandmother used to say, “Everything that feels good to you may not necessarily be good for you.” I definitely learned that from this relationship.
2. Learn to let go
Sometimes we hold onto relationships past the expiration date. We believe the “I am going to change” story. While some people do change, if they keep making the same mistakes then that is a choice.
3. Know it is OK — and sometimes better — to be alone
The end of my relationship helped me to realize how my stress I had been carrying. I also understood just how unequal things were in the relationship. Ending the relationship allowed me to get in touch with who I am and what I needed. Being alone helped to make things very clear for me.
4. The hurt goes away
Yes, it hurts. Yes, one or both of you may not want to let go, but each day it gets a little easier. There may be some days when you want to eat a container of Breyer’s French Vanilla ice cream and watch Sex and the City reruns, and that is OK. Allow yourself the time, space and emotions needed to heal and do what is best for you.
Ultimately, my relationship taught me that I am tremendously more patient than I ever thought I was and that I am capable of unconditional love for someone other than a family member. My past relationship also taught me that, more often than not, my instincts are amazingly accurate and that if I feel that something is off, it most likely is. My relationship taught me that I am a strong, intelligent, loving, sensitive and caring person, and that not everyone is deserving of those attributes. I also learned that even though I break up with that person, there may be tangible relationships, those with family and friends, that remain intact.
There is always a lesson and a blessing.