Women who think they have a 'type' have it all wrong

May 20, 2015 at 12:53 p.m. ET
Image: The Other Martin Taylor/Moment/Getty Images

When it comes to love, do you think you have a type? Yes? Me too. Well, we should think again. A new study reveals that when it comes to love, our only "type" is the person we are currently dating or married to. Put that in our collective pipes and smoke it!

According to a recent post on Science of Relationships, most of what we think we want in relationships and what we describe as our "type" are actually just a series of traits our current significant other exhibits. In other words, when people in relationships are asked about their "type," they tend to describe the man (or woman) they are with.

The funny thing is, I think it might be true.

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I have always said I have a "type," and when it comes to the physical, there is no question at all. I like them tall. And built. And smart. OK, that last one may not be physical. But I have dated men who lacked that latter trait, and it was ugly. But even so, since marrying my husband, my type has certainly shifted as well.

Before I got married, I always said I wanted a man who was smart, well educated, intellectually curious and well traveled. He had to be all those things but also not be pretentious. I had dated too many pretentious men. I found all those things in my husband. But the truth is, my type had "evolved." It changed as I dated, as I tried on more men for size and realized what fit me well and what didn't.

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We all do that.

And of course, when I met my husband and he made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants, I realized how much a sense of humor matters. When we talked until 3 a.m., I realized how much I cared about being able to communicate with my man. And when he held our newborns and took paternity leave and insisted on being able to attend every one of our son's baseball games, I realized I also wanted the kind of man who would be an amazing father.

Did I know these things without him? On some level. But my type shifted as my love did. And that's totally normal. Personally, I think it's nice to not have one type. We can't be too rigid with love, otherwise we miss the opportunity to really know what it is we need.

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