The reason we love dirty talk — finally explained

May 14, 2015 at 8:00 a.m. ET
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The thing about a great session of filthy talk is that it indicates you and your partner feel pretty darn comfortable around each other — which is only going to enhance your sex lives, no matter what you're doing, physically speaking.

But, even without penetration, some women (and men) can actually get so turned on by dirty talk that they either orgasm from it, without any genital stimulation, or require little more than a brush of their partner's hand in the right place to send waves of pleasure flooding through their bodies.

Yes, dirty talk is that powerful — and now we can finally find out why some of us love it so much.

"Some women and some men are turned on by dirty talk. It is very individual specific," said Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent and co-star on 'Sex Box' on WE TV. "It all depends on the person's sexual history, experience, upbringing and the messages absorbed during late childhood and adolescence. The reason some people enjoy dirty talk is because they have wide and vivid visual imaginations. When they hear a sexy, dirty descriptive they are able to visualize an image that actualizes experience and adds to the eroticism and titillation of the encounter. These folks are generally open minded and non-judgmental."

More: 10 Things going through your head when he's a dirty talker and you're not

We've all heard that the brain is one of the biggest sex organs, right? Sometimes, even when parts of our bodies that are considered erogenous zones refuse to respond to sexy moments, our minds are able to create hot scenarios that get us in the mood, according to sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Megan Stubbs.

And sex talk doesn't have to just take place during sex. "Sexy talk before the act can create anticipation and leave your partner in a heightened state from your teasing words," Stubbs said. Which explains why hearing "I can't wait to strip off your clothes when you get home" may make you run just a bit faster to catch your train.

"Sexy talk during the act can encourage your partner and help flame the fire ('You feel so good. You make me so hot.')," Stubbs said. "And sexy talk after intercourse can be a playful reminder of what just happened and can create anticipation for the next encounter."

More: 5 Things he wants you to say in bed

Another reason why dirty talk makes us feel so much pleasure is because it grounds us and forces us to live in the moment — which is something a lot of us have trouble doing, especially when we are naked and feeling self-conscious about out bellies or breasts.

"Many people aren't very present during sex," said sex therapist Vanessa Marin, who teaches an orgasm course called Finishing School: Learn How to Orgasm. "They may close their eyes, stay silent, or be distracted by thoughts. Dirty talk requires you to be present and engaged, and thereby helps people enjoy sex more. If you hear your partner say, 'I love stroking your thighs,' it naturally forces you to feel the sensation of their hand on your body."

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Finally, dirty talk, in a very literal sense, just feels good. "The act of speaking can feel arousing in and of itself," Marin said. "You can feel your lips, your tongue, even your breath. It's a pleasurable experience!"

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