Some of the unsexiest and most ordinary words and phrases in the English language become downright dirty or even insulting when whispered during sex.
Were you ever so into sex that you or your partner ended up saying something that made you both collapse in a fit of laughter? On the one hand, that’s excellent news because it means your relationship is pretty damn hot if you feel confident enough to unleash hot, dirty talk on your partner.
On the other hand, some phrases just don’t mean the same thing in bed as they would at, say, nine in the morning on a Sunday, when you’re on your way to church. Here are seven phrases that you probably don’t want to say during sex, unless you really want to say them during sex (wink, wink).
1. I can’t fit it in
You have trouble fitting the gym into your daily schedule. It’s impossible to fit a manicure in on your way to pick up the kids from day care. If you can’t fit it in during sex, you’re either the luckiest woman on the planet or one who needs a big… uh, hug.
2. We’ll never get it in the back
Makes sense when you’re discussing whether your CRV will fit in a driveway located at the back of your house. In bed, you’re making your true feelings about anal sex crystal clear.
3. I have no idea what I’m doing
We’re betting you will instinctively know what to do in bed in a way we only wish would transfer over to other parts of life — like hemming a pair of pants or operating a snow blower.
4. Let’s put on music
You could put on a spaghetti western soundtrack for all your partner cares, if one person makes this suggestion, it’s probably because he or she feels awkward about something — the sounds your bodies are making, the sounds she will make when she queefs — who knows and who cares? Hit the play button.
5. Does that feel good?
What you really mean to say is: Oh my goodness, would you please react in some way because I have absolutely zero idea what turns you on and you aren’t giving me a single clue to work with.
6. Are you done yet?
Fine when you’re discussing whether he has finished using the bathroom so you can hog it for 30 minutes — but absolutely soul-crushing when you (or he) says it in bed. Sex isn’t a race and if he is enjoying himself in you, well, that must mean you’re pretty amazing. What’s the rush?
7. I love you
There’s the “I love you” that you say when you’re not about to make each orgasm and there’s the “I love you” that sounds like some mix of a moan and a meow that escapes your body during sex and has little to do with your brain. Of course, it’s possible to sincerely love someone with whom you’re having sex, but it’s just as possible to love the sex more than the person.