12 First date stories so bad you won't know whether to laugh or cry
Here's a great icebreaker for a first date: "What's the worst date you've ever been on?" Pro tip: This first date question will only work if you are not currently on the worst date of your life.
From all my years of early-20s dating, I have at least a dozen bad first date stories filed away. But after reading this Reddit thread with close to 10,000 comments on very bad dates (earning it a coveted spot on Reddit's front page), I feel much better about my spotty dating history. You will too.
These stories are so outrageous that you should probably sit down for this. Does your worst date compare to any of these nightmares?
1. Check, please
What's the worst thing that could happen on a date with a really cool bike-racing dude? Answer: "[He] told me he wanted to kill his ex-roommates." Gulp.
2. Classic Napoleon complex
After being set up by her roommate, one Redditor recounts how their first date was doomed from the start, "He was vocally irritated that I wore heels because it made him less tall than me. Note: He was still taller than me by a few inches, but just less tall."
3. From bad to worse
First, Jerry Seinfeld makes out during Schindler's List, and now this? "Long time ago, my girlfriend decided at the last minute she wanted to do dinner and a movie after weeks of her saying she didn't want to do anything for Valentine's Day. All restaurants were full/busy, so we ended up at Burger King. The movie she was dying to go see? Schindler's List. She sobbed through most of the first half and pleaded that we leave at the intermission. Nope. I paid for it, and she wanted to see it so damned bad — we were staying."
4. How I met your mother
It's guys like this that give online dating a bad name, "He knowingly used pictures that didn't accurately reflect the way he looked and kept saying, 'You look just like your pics!' in shock. He then told me I reminded him of his mother... Like it was a good thing."
5. Just your typical first date with Satan
There's no telling how you would react in a WTF situation like this. One honest Redditor explains, "The girl started lighting matches — would put them out with her fingers, then eat the burnt matchstick head."
6. No wonder this was a blind date
Please suppress your gag reflex as you read Sarin77's first date tale of woe: "Went on a blind date with a lady who wouldn't stop picking at her scabs. Just made a pile out of them on the restaurant table. I excused myself to use the washroom, and when I came back my soup was there, but the pile of scabs wasn't. No, I didn't eat the soup."
7. Saying goodbye is always the hardest part
Matchotamium describes a creepy and unexpected end to an already bad date, "Wasn't necessarily the date, which was bad on its own, but the fact that she hung out in my parking lot for two hours after she dropped me off 'in case I changed my mind about doing something after dinner.'"
8. This can't be happening
Talk about starting a date off with a bang: "About 10 minutes from picking a girl up, she asked me to pull to the side of the road to take a s*** and then proceeds to s*** in front of my car."
9. The starter date
There are truly no words for this kind of first date behavior: "We spent most of the date going shopping for clothes for another date she had later that week."
10. TMI, dude
For one lady Redditor, her date was going just fine, until: "I showed him a picture of my dog on my phone; he took out his phone and showed me a picture of his penis." Dog sounds like "dong," my mistake.
11. The two-fer
Now this is the kind of awkward date you will never forget because it makes no damn sense, "She asks, 'Can my best friend come too?' I say, of course! (Trying to be nice, was also assuming it was going to be a girl.) [She] shows up with her friend, who is indeed a guy. This is when I find out that it's her one and only ex, but they remained best friends, and nothing is happening between them."
12. The word "prostitution" comes to mind
Everything about this poor Redditor's date is wrong, sleazy and wrong, "I went out for dinner and a movie with a guy. I tried to chip in money at both, but he insisted that he cover it all. At the end of the night, we're sitting in his car in the parking lot of the restaurant we had just eaten at, and he asks for a BJ, saying, 'I mean, I bought you dinner and took you to a movie. It's the least you can do.'"