Faking 'it' is never a good idea even if everyone else is

Feb 26, 2015 at 9:00 a.m. ET

We've all had a night (or two) when all the magic is there with our sexual partner and, unfortunately, we just can't get there. For many women, this means engaging a little defense mechanism we like to call the "fake" orgasm. I assume it means fake moaning, a bit of writhing and then a heartfelt: "Oh honey, that was so great." Right? Well, ladies, let's stop that.

Two-thirds of women admit to having faked an orgasm at some point in their sexual life. In my informal survey of women I know, most admitted to having done it once. Or twice. Or more.

But why?

It seems to be all about helping the man's ego. Or the woman's. Or whoever is the other sexual partner who is getting off while we are faking it. I get it. I do. We want to just get it over with, be done and help our partner not feel inadequate. But sometimes we can't get there. Not every time up to bat is going to be a home run, after all. And we are doing ourselves (and our partners) a massive disservice by pretending otherwise.

Relationships are meant to be built on trust. They are meant to be built on honesty and being able to have one another's backs. So when you are pretending to finish when you haven't? You are effectively lying. It doesn't help your partner improve their technique and it doesn't move you any closer to orgasm the next time.

As Dr. Laura Berman advised on her blog (linked above): "Instead of faking or playing such games, why not say something such as, 'That feels so good but my body is just a little off right now. Can we try again tomorrow when I am up to speed again?'"

How hard is that, really? You are honest and you get to finish things up quickly. In love, honesty is always best. The truth is, faking "it" is hurting your relationship. So stop that.

Tell your partner what you need to get there. Or be honest about the fact that it's not happening and it's not them. It's going to make your love (and your sex) life a lot better.

More on orgasms

8 Ways to get off without sex
Keeping it interesting in the bedroom
Prepping yourself for orgasm: 4 Steps

Comments