13 Things you're thinking when the sex is super bad

Feb 23, 2015 at 5:30 p.m. ET

When sex is good, it's really good. But here is what we're all thinking when it's bad. Really bad.

At first it's: "Sexy time, suckers!"

sexy time

Image: Giphy.com

Turn off the lights and turn on some music! It's business time. But then...

2. "This face sucking is a dubious start."

slurping

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His saliva to lip ratio is all wrong.

3. "Wait, what is happening?"

shock

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That was unexpected.

4. "OK, this is different. I can go with the flow."

go with it

Image: Giphy.com

I'm game for trying something new. That's who I am, after all. Modern woman.

5. "I'm not sure this is a flow I can get behind."

disgusted

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Nope!

6. "No foreplay? What, are you a high school kid?"

confusion

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I'm not a machine!

7. "So many noises."

noises

Image: Giphy.com

Oh my God, what is making all that noise?

8. "I might die if that slurping noise doesn't stop, immediately."

i might die

Image: Giphy.com

Oh, the suction.

9. "All I can see is that mole."

mole

Image: Giphy.com

The mole. Is that a third nipple?

10. "So this is what jack-hammering means."

jack hammer

Image: Giphy.com

Never before has rhythm been such a terrible, terrible thing.

11. "Did he just say — yes, he said that."

dirty talk

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What in the hell does that even mean?

12. "Dang it all, now I have to say something back!"

cat sound

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"You are also a super-sexy superhero man. Rarr."

13. "Well, that was a waste of new lingerie."

waste of time

Image: Giphy.com

Better luck next time.

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