Snowpocalypse 2015 is driving some people straight into the arms of Craigslist, where they’re desperately searching for someone to agree to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that they can safely destroy once the snow melts.
A great many of us in the Northeast are battening down the hatches today in preparation for a blizzard that is being called “historic,” an adjective that scares the bejeezus out of everyone and sends us flying to grocery stores to buy up all the milk, even though we hate milk. But some folks have other priorities when a snowstorm threatens days and days of life as we know it: Their interest turns to matters of the heart.
Scores of lonely singles — at least, we hope most are single — are using the personal section of Craigslist to search for “snow bunnies” and whatever the male equivalent of a snow bunny is (snow “buck?”) so that they can cuddle, sip wine and discuss current events while weathering the storm together — nights of bonding that will surely lead to marriage and kids.
Oh, I’m just kidding. Most are simply looking for hot snow sex, or at the very least, a make-out session or massage.
This 33-year-old guy is one of the few cuddle bears we came across, who titled his ad: “Snow Day Fun Make Out Times?”
“So I’m getting off work early today, around 2. Anyone stuck in their apartment and battling with some pent-up snow-related horniness? 🙂 I’d love to stop by and help out. I’m feeling very frisky today.”
On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have this 39-year-old, “married” man (oh dear God), who has a very interesting, specific request:
“I’ll be stuck in the snow all alone at a hotel for the next couple of days and one of my favorite things to do is to give oral pleasure to a woman who loves to lay back and have her body worshiped. I’m not looking for anything from you in return. This is all about you, and all about us wasting some time while we wait out the snow.”
Not into that? No worries, he has another offer:
“Even if all you want to do is hang out, stay warm and watch TV, I would be open to that, too.”
That’s like whipping up coq au vin for someone and then suggesting they eat a slice of Wonder Bread instead. Stick to your original offer, dude!
We know studies have shown that men crave sex more in the winter and colder months, but who knew a few (billion tons of) snowflakes would turn everyone into horn dogs? I can’t say I blame them. There are few things I can think of that are better to do in a storm than… well, fill in the blank. I can’t say I’d be into doing those things with a total stranger, but no judgements here. What happens during a snowpocalypse stays in a snowpocalypse.
“Cuddle” away, snow bunnies and bucks!