Reddit poses the most horrifying hypothetical sex question yet

Jan 23, 2015 at 8:00 a.m. ET

Leave it to Reddit to ask the most terrible hypothetical sex question that will make you want to crawl into the nearest hole and die. No, it's not about your mom and dad getting it on. Quite possibly, it's worse.

Now, when I say "trigger warning," I assume everyone knows what it means. In most cases, "trigger warning" refers to graphic or sensitive content that may not be suitable for everyone. In this case, the content is just plain creepy and will probably be burned into your brain forever.

One unassuming Redditor wanted to know, "Would you have sex with your hot cousin if you knew no one would find out?"

OK, OK, maybe this is the kind of thing that everyone has thought but has never wanted to admit. But here we are, with someone asking the question on the internet for all the world to see. I can personally tell you that my answer to this one is an emphatic no, but I can only speak for myself. To clarify, I would not bang any of my good-looking cousins, even if it was a guaranteed freebie. That's one big nope.

But you never know where everyone stands. Here are 10 of the best Reddit responses to this sordid sex question

1. As long as they're not a blood relative

Disgust

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One commenter asks the burning question on everyone's mind, "Does it still count if the hot cousin is only cousin-by-marriage?"

2. I don't have one

Smile

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If you don't have a hot cousin, here's some good news for you: "Everybody has a hot cousin, if you don't, congratulations! You're the hot cousin!"

3. I'm adopted

No

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Yes, I'll buy this one — maybe, just maybe. One commenter says, "I'm adopted, so hell yes."

4. Maeby

Maeby

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A perfect Arrested Development reference, if I ever saw one.

5. No way

Do not want

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Here's the voice of reason we've been waiting for, "It would just make things too weird and awkward. And it would ruin a lot of relationships. Plus, my cousin is married and so am I!! (But not to one another, of course!)"

6. Nothing wrong with it

Ryan Gosling

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And then there's this guy: "I wouldn't care if anyone knew, nothing wrong with cousins getting it on."

7. Only to make my sister jealous

Joe Dirt

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For further reference, please watch Joe Dirt.

8. Out of my league

Kristen Bell

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One commenter says, "My hot cousin is too hot for me."

9. Step-cousins don't count

JWoww

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Learn from this Redditor's cautionary tale, "Tried to bang my hot step-cousin. Wasn't subtle enough. Cue awkward talk with my dad about not panting over family members even if they're not blood relatives."

10. Too late

Judging you

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Gulp. "What if you already have?"

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