9 Starbucks flavors that should totally be turned into condoms

Sep 11, 2014 at 12:45 p.m. ET
Image: Getty Images News/Getty Image

It's almost fall, and you know what that means: Everywhere you turn, you'll find pumpkin-themed and flavored everything… well, except for condoms. The internet was all aflutter last weekend with rumors that Durex was coming out with a pumpkin spice-flavored condom:

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The pumpkin flavor lobby must be stopped. pic.twitter.com/CPwUThgHj1

— Wagatwe Wanjuki (@wagatwe) September 7, 2014

Only, you know, it's totally not true:

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Bazinga!

Sad news for those who want to pumpkin spice up their sex life (I know, I'm lame) — I mean, there are condoms that taste like scotch, bacon, pot, even garlic, so really, why not your favorite latte? Wouldn't it be ah-mazing if you could bring your favorite Starbucks flavor to bed with you? Some of their names are practically condom-worthy already.

1. Vanilla Bean

1. Vanilla Bean

Photo credit: aliciathomas/Tumblr

Because you're dying to say, "Bean there, done him."

2. Orange Mango Smoothie

2. Orange Mango Smoothie

Photo credit: Shelbeatzzz/Tumblr

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

3. Double Chocolaty Chip

3. Double Chocolaty Chip

Photo credit: applemaiden/Tumblr

Because single chocolaty would never do.

4. Strawberries & Crème

4. Strawberries & Crème

Photo credit: crushable.com

Not cream, people. Crème.

5. Passion Tango

5. Passion Tango

Photo credit: who-inbeirut/Tumblr

This would also make a great porn name.

6. Caramel Macchiato

6. Caramel Macchiato

Photo credit: steveandbuckyalways/Tumblr

Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

7. Iced Peppermint

7. Iced Peppermint

Photo credit: i-hate-you-beastie/Tumblr

I mean, who wants to choke on gum when they're trying to get it on?

8. Cool Lime

8. Cool Lime

Photo credit: prochoiceamerica/Tumblr

Don't forget the tequila.

9. Very Berry Hibiscus

9. Very Berry Hibiscus

Photo credit: goodreads.com

Would this also count as a serving of fruit? Anyone?

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