One-third of moms have gone years without sex!

Mar 24, 2014 at 9:00 a.m. ET

What’s the longest you’ve gone without sex? What many moms say may completely shock you!

Bored woman in bed
Photo credit: laflor/iStock/360/Getty Images

An exclusive survey conducted by Family Circle magazine asked moms to share everything from how often they drink alcohol to how they lose weight to how often they have sex (or, don't have sex). The results completely surprised us, especially when it came to sex.

Survey says…

  • 32 percent of moms with children of any age report having gone at least a few years without having sex
  • 36 percent have gone a few months with no sex
  • 27 percent have gone a few weeks
  • And only 5 percent have gone just a few days with no sex

To see the entire survey, click here >>

We understand that having sex on an even semi-regular basis can be hard with kids (of any age) in the house (I should know; I currently have two under two). But nurturing your relationship with your husband is important, too, for both your marriage and your family.

Are you in a sexless marriage?

According to Newsweek magazine, 15 to 20 percent of couples are in sexless marriages. A sexless marriage is defined as having sex fewer than 10 times per year.

Clearly, married couples are extremely different now than they were decades back. Lori Gottlieb, who wrote The New York Times' Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?, discusses how today, the majority of marriages have both spouses working and both spouses contributing to household chores. This egalitarian way of going about a marriage may have “an unexpectedly negative impact on these couples' sex lives.”

“The greater the husband's share of masculine chores compared with feminine ones, the greater his wife's reported sexual satisfaction,” Gottlieb states. And what about those that are least likely to get divorced? A study conducted by Lynn Prince Cooke found that “the predicted risk of divorce is lowest when the husband does 40 percent of the housework and the wife earns 40 percent on the income.”

One could conclude that you're less likely to get divorced if your husband helps with household chores but apparently if he doesn't do more masculine chores than feminine chores, you're less likely to have sexual satisfaction. So maybe sexless marriages are more prevalent today because of our evolving roles in the home and at work but either way, study after study shows the importance that sex has in marriage. It's not simply the icing on the cake, it's a main ingredient.

Ladies, let's agree to start having more sex and better sex.

How sex benefits you

Sure, men love sex for obvious reasons, but let's focus on what it can do for us.

For starters, you'll feel much less stressed. Having sex and being intimate with your loved one releases those feel-good hormones that make for a healthier, happier you.

Not only will sex make you happier, it also boosts your immune system, makes your skin glow, helps reduce pain (like headaches), improves your relationship and helps you sleep. As far as the downsides, well, we can't think of any. Sex is a great form of exercise and may just give you that second boost you need.

Real women on how to make sex a priority

We know all the reasons in the book not to have sex. We're too tired, too busy, too stressed, have a headache, aren't in the mood, it's the last thing on our mind. So, how can we stop making excuses and start making it a priority?

  • Set a sex alarm. In other words, start thinking about sex at the beginning of your day. Nancy and her husband have been married 20 years and have two kids. “We set two alarms for the morning. The first wakes us up and gives us time, just us, to cuddle, talk or do other things as a couple. The second is for us to actually get out of bed. This way we always have a few minutes for each other,” she states.
  • Schedule sex — and keep the appointment. Sure, scheduling sex diminishes the spontaneity, but scheduled sex is better than no sex. Sharri, mom of three boys, schedules sex three times per week (Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday for a mid-week perk). She's guaranteed a 20-minute massage; he's guaranteed sex. Now that's something we can get on board with!
  • Just say yes. My husband and I have an unspoken rule that we don't deny each other. And guess what? If I actually do have a headache or am completely exhausted, he doesn't ask! It's a win-win for both of us. Another pointer: The only way to actually make sex a priority is to just do it.
  • Learn to enjoy it. Brandi, mom of three, always dreaded sex because she didn't feel there was anything in it for her. She says, “I thought sex was just for the man, but once I started figuring out my own body and viewing it as a way to intimately connect with my husband, I started looking forward to it. Heck, I'm even the main initiator now!” If sex is something you truly enjoy, you'll want to have it.

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