4 Types of passive aggressive behaviors that bug him

Mar 18, 2014 at 8:00 a.m. ET

As women, we have a pretty bad reputation when it comes to the art of nagging. We know we can't always change our man, but we sure will stop at nothing to at least try.

Woman nagging man

There are only so many times you can ask your man to put down the toilet seat, refill the toilet paper roll, take out the garbage when it's full (and put in a new trash bag!) or keep dirty laundry in the hamper.

At some point, you're going to flip out and feel like you're a robot talking to a pet who doesn't really understand what you're asking.

Or what about when you're on the dating scene? Just how many hints can you drop about something you've always wanted to do together or how you don't like when he texts at the table?

Your anger turns into resentment, and soon after that, you get the passive aggressive thing going. Well, guess what ladies? Men don't like that. Here are four passive aggressive behaviors that they're really not into... and what you can do to lighten up as told by the guys themselves.


Saying "It's fine"

This quote is the epitome of passive aggressive. Howie, 32, recently had an experience with these two detrimental words. An avid photographer, Howie stayed up the better part of the night to finish up a project so that he could go hiking with his lady-friend the next day and not have this particular project on his mind. The next morning he overslept and, despite her many phone calls and texts, didn't wake up. Later on, she told him "it's fine" but kept referring back to the morning.

Finally, Howie broke her down and she admitted that she felt maybe he wasn't into the hike — or her. They had a chat about it and he communicated to her how he was just up very late and that was it. Seems in this case, her insecurities got the best of her, which led to passive aggressive no-nos.

Ask the man panel: "When you're pissed at us, you should...:"

  • "Just spell it out to me. Tell me exactly what you're thinking." - David, 24
  • "Never say 'it's fine.' That's the oldest trick in the book. It's not going to spark my interest because it's a lame way to try and get attention." - Liam, 37

Letting it fester

Communication is really the best way to stay on the same page. Acting a certain way and expecting your man to understand exactly how you're feeling based on your actions isn't ideal, yet we all do it. Misunderstandings lead to arguments because you truly don't see where the other person is coming from. When you let that sit and fester, it becomes a bigger issue than it needs to be. Tyler, 34, got into an argument with his wife because she wanted him to wash the dishes and he felt as though she was nagging him about it. "She kept telling me how she would really love if the dishes were done by 9 p.m. because she wanted us to get up to bed," said Tyler. "I felt like I was in prison and she was calling lights out. I basically just ignored her until I finally went up at around 10 p.m. It turns out, she just wanted us to have some romantic alone time. She completely cleaned up our bedroom, had candles going all over the place and dressed up in sexy lingerie. I felt so dumb." Ladies, the lesson here is that your man can't read your mind!

Ask the man panel: "When you're pissed at us, you should...:"

  • "Tell me exactly why it is you want me to do something so I can understand." - Mike, 32
  • "Try and put yourself in my position and try and see why I do what I do." - Brett, 25

Blaming him for other issues

Your significant other is just that — a significant other. He should be your go-to, your best friend, your partner and the person you feel most comfortable talking to about anything and everything, including your shortcomings. Josh, 26, remembers an instance where his fiancée was having a hard time at work. Instead of venting to him about it, she'd turn her aggression his way and created a very uncomfortable setting.

Josh would constantly ask his now-wife to tell him what was bothering her at work and she'd shut him out because she was embarrassed to talk about it. This went on for about two weeks until Josh couldn't take it anymore. He took her out to a nice dinner and insisted she explain what was going on at work because it was really affecting their relationship. She didn't realize how her behavior was affecting them, so talking it out really helped.

Ask the man panel: "When you're pissed at us, you should...:"

  • "Never ever blame us guys for stuff going on in your personal life outside of our relationship." - Phil, 29
  • "Talk to your girlfriends if you can't talk to us. But don't take it out on us because that will only form a serious wedge." - Chris, 31

Complaining about feeling underappreciated

We want to feel wanted, needed and appreciated. Everyone does; it's human nature. If you cook a great meal, spend the day cleaning your pad or fold laundry, you want to be noticed because you want to feel valued. But if you do all of that and there's not so much as a 'thank you' to come out of your partner's mouth, you become blown away. Shocked, actually. "How could he not even acknowledge everything I did for him?"

Just trust. He sees and he knows. Alvin, 28, said that his girlfriend consistently threw in his face how she always does his laundry. "I'd rather her not do it if it's going to turn into her holding it over my head like I owe her something in return," said Alvin. "Do things because you want to, not because you want some sort of reward."

Ask the man panel: "When you're pissed at us, you should...:"

  • "Reconsider why it is you do the things you do for us. It should be because you want to and for no other reason." - Max, 42
  • "Give us a chance to realize and recognize your hard work. Don't just jump to the conclusion that all you do gets lost on us." - Alex, 33

Can you relate to any of these, ladies?

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