He's out of town and you're out of your mind… with jealousy

Nov 23, 2011 at 9:00 a.m. ET

Find yourself getting jealous when your honey is out of town? Learn how to stop the downward spiral.

Worried woman in bed

You think of yourself as a pretty rational gal. You make sensible decisions about most things, and you keep yourself on an even emotional keel for the most part. Oh, sure, you have your ups and downs, but you're usually able to stave off the drama-trauma side of life with relative ease.

Except... for when your sweetheart is out of town. Not just out of town, but out of town on business junkets. OK, he doesn't call them "junkets;" he calls them boring evenings with boring clients, with his supervisor texting him every five minutes "Did u close deal?" But, come on! He's in restaurants, at clubs, who knows where else, wining and dining. And there are women everywhere. Everywhere!

That's where you lose your habitual emotional cool.

Your sweetheart is cute, smart and lovable, which makes him easy prey for a winning smile and batting eyelashes. You should know -- you won him over. It makes you crazy.

How do you keep the green-eyed monster out of your mind? How do you deal with your jealousy that comes from knowing your honey is out there with all sorts of opportunities to cheat on you?

Take a reality check

Recognize that if a guy is going to cheat, he's going to cheat. It doesn't matter if you live together under the same roof and you see him every day or if you live 3,000 miles apart. If he wants to cheat on you, he'll find a way. And vice-versa. Eating yourself up with jealousy won't change that one bit.

Build your closeness

It isn't the distance that makes a difference in whether or not he's going to cheat on you -- it's the closeness between you. You build that closeness at a distance the same way you do face to face. You engage him in your life, and you stay engaged in his. Have nightly phone/Skype calls, save up special things to tell him about, ask about his day and listen enthusiastically to what he has to say.

Make your together time special

When he is home and you're together, make sure to have fulfilling, happy times with each other. That way, he'll have lots to want to come home to. Men don't stray when they're happy -- they stray when they feel unappreciated or taken for granted.

Don't get distracted by the green-eyed monster. Keep building the joy in your relationship whether together or apart, and he'll be boring out-of-town clients with tales of wonderful, special YOU.

More on jealousy

Dealing with your boyfriend's female friends
How to be less jealous
Getting over jealousy