Is the economy killing fatherhood?
Moms aren't the only ones juggling a million things. Check out the challenges dad face in this tough economy and how to deal with them.
Tom Watson knows what it's like not to have time to spend with your kids. "It used to sting me when I was working hard at building my business and I'd hear my kids talking about me," he said. "One would ask the other to see if I had time to play with them, and the other would tell him not to bother, because he knew I'd be too busy. It was like a knife in my heart."
With the current state of the economy, Watson isn't the only dad facing this issue. "These days, many fathers are either unemployed and working hard to find work or they are working two jobs or more just to make ends meet," he says. "Either they don't have much time for family, or they just aren't in the mood for family because they are despondent or feeling helpless as a provider."
Crystal Patriarche, SheKnows' Parenting Editor, says the economy has changed family dynamics in many ways: "With dads losing jobs and facing unemployment, moms are pursuing jobs and ways to help the family's financial situation. In many cases, it's a role switch - dad is suddenly home and helping more with the kids and household and mom is working outside the house and feeling the burden of the family's financial security. This switcharoo can give spouses a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other's roles and perspective. It's a tough time for many in today's economy, but families are adjusting and making it work the way they know how."
Watson, author of the autobiographical Man Shoes: The Journey to Becoming a Better Man, Husband & Father shared some tips for struggling dads in a tough economy. Check them out:
Don't spend time with your kids because that term makes it sound like you are giving away time that you could be using for other things. Share time with them, because sharing indicates that you both get something out of that time. It's important for your kids to know that you aren't paying attention to them out of obligation, but rather because you need to be with them as much as they need to be with you.
Make a schedule
Stability and security are important to kids, so set up a time every week that is just for them, and do your best to make that time on your calendar immovable. Give them something they can look forward to on a regular schedule and it will show them how important they are to you and help you build a trusting relationship with them.
A little time is better than none
If you're working two jobs or work out of town and commute home on the weekends, they will understand if you don't have a lot of time to spend. Even if you can only block out a couple of hours every week, that can be enough. As long as you keep to the schedule and don't let them down, that time will be as valuable as if you spent the entire weekend with them.
Don't plan big
Parents who work a lot sometimes feel guilty about neglecting their kids, and they cater to that guilt by making big plans with their kids on a regular basis. They feel that doing something lavish and expensive will somehow be seen as a payback to their kids for not seeing them often. The pitfall is that the bigger the plan, the bigger the expectation. The truth is, kids don't care. You don't have to spend a lot of money or make big plans all the time. It could be as simple as going to the park to fly kites and eating a brown bag lunch together, and most kids would be happy with that.
No matter what you do, Watson reminds us that you're always in control of your situation, so take on those reins. "Life is a choice and the person you choose to be is in your control. No matter the hand you may have been dealt, there are no excuses," Watson says. "I grew up as an orphan and I acted out a lot because I lacked the guidance of a family until I was finally adopted... And even when I found stability with my adoptive parents, the Watsons, it took some time for me to settle down."
Watson also reminds us that the physical support (clothes, food, shelter etc.) isn't all children need: "Children are adaptable and can do without material things more easily than they can do without the love and attention of their parents. If my experience meant anything to me, it showed me that it takes more to be a dad than to just bring home the bacon. It's not enough to just do for your children -- you have to be with them, too."