Letters to newlyweds
In a weekly poll, we asked Loving You members to tell us what they would like to say to a couple about to become married. We received over 300 letters filled with words of wisdom. If you are a newlywed, or just about to get married, let this advice fill your heart and help you get through the windy roads ahead.
Advice for couples about to become married
"Make sure that the other person is really the one. You each have to love one another and meet in the middle. Just remember that true love cannot be kept in a shoebox under the bed. You have to love the imperfect person perfectly, then you find true love."
"Marriage has its ups and downs, but if you stick together you can be together forever."
"Get all your money issues in order before you marry. Don't go into marriage already in debt. Be open and honest about your goals with money. For women, it may be wise to keep a separate bank account in your name only. Try to check with each other before making large purchases. Never lie to your spouse about what you make. Money troubles seem to be the number one cause of many divorces. My final word: you really don't need as much as you think in this world."
"Remember that your love should never be put last and each other's feeling should be heard out. Take time to understand each other's point of view. Always remember you two were put together for a reason."
"Being married for 35 years, my advice is NEVER try to change the person you fell in LOVE with! Forsake ALL others is a big plus! Become the BEST of friends!"
"I have been married since I was 18 and have seen rough roads and easy ones, and grown in the process. I have been married for 29 years this year. So what I recommend is to learn to forgive, and to expect that it isn't always going to be easy. To definately find someone that will let you be you, because during a long life together you will need to be your own person. If it is worth loving that person, then it is worth taking the time to keep the marriage strong. I am not saying it is all easy, and I am not saying I have the answer, but how many people do you find today that are still together as many years as I have been?"
"Listen with your heart not your head. Think before you speak. Wrong words hurt and stay. COMMUNICATION is one of the most important things that will let your love continue to grow and stay on fire throughout the years. Otherwise, you just become roommates in passing and cohabitate."
"Most of your time will be relating to each other so make sure your goals and personalities are compatible. You may think that sex is wonderful, but that will eventually end (especially when the kids arrive) and you better like each other without sex. It will be hard to arrange."
"Allow your mate to always be able to give their opinion without repercussions. When things start to go wrong, make sure you discuss the issue before it becomes a resentment. Always ALWAYS tell them (and mean it) how much you love and appreciate them!!!"
"Learn to let go of small problems before they become big ones. Compromising does not mean that one person wins and another loses, it means that you love each other enough to care more about making each other happy than being the winner. Never forget that love is a choice. You can choose to love even when it feels impossible."
"Always talk through any problems you may have. Whether you find them big or small. Don't let them sit and simmer. Never ever go to bed angry with each other. This will make each of you love and respect each other more. Dont take for granted what you have."
"Make sure you realize this is a lifetime commitment and it's a partnership. You always have to be open with one another and be there through thick and thin. This builds the foundation for a successful union."
"Just know that everyone has faults. And never point the finger. Make sure communication lines are open. Love each other like you've never loved before. And last but not least, keep your faith in God. Because if he took you there, he'll take you out of there."
"My advice would be to get to know each other really well before you tie the knot. If you are meant to be together then a little extra time is not going to hurt anything. It's so much better to learn who you're marrying before the wedding then after."
"I am proud to say I am still learning from my 85 year old parents who have been married for 65 years. My mother only told me one thing, that being "It is NOT 50/50 it is 100% on the behalf of both parties. Include GOD in your endeavors daily and always communicate. Whether it be by written letter, a hug, phone, email... but communicate everything!" My Dad, who does not talk much, (he he he) buys something for my Mom every Friday. I should say, brings her something every Friday. Somewhere during the week he LISTENS for something she might have suggested needing or wanting and follows up. Last week while he and my nephew were splitting wood for the fireplace, my Mom made a comment that she couldn't help because SHE didn't have a saw. Needless to say, Dad bought her a chain saw... JUST LIKE HIS! She identifies hers by painting a heart with the initials JB on the handle with red nail polish from who knows how long ago she purchased it. Hmmmm..... Yes, LOVE is grand."
"Make every day special. Let your spouse know how much you love and respect them. A little kiss, a hug, a kind word, that look you always give that melts them or a card or small gift."
"Communication is important, along with trust and understanding. Everyone has their own opinion, the trick coming to an understanding and a mutual agreement. Just meet each other in the middle. Respect each other's opinion and take one day at a time. Here is something to go by: "Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." This means that Friendship is a big part of a relationship. One more thing, don't let financial problems get in the way. Work it out. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Make it last forever. Love each other forever."
"Good Luck! Always remeber how much you love one another even when things get rough and times get uneasy. Remember today and how much love you have for one another. Remember to have time for yourselves, no matter how busy you become, no matter how demanding your jobs are or how many children you end up having. Devote time to just the both of you and make sure you stick to it. Marriage and love is about compromising and meeting each other "half-way" if you don't agree. Good luck and have a wonderful life together. :-)"
"Spend the first year learning how to become husband and wife. The roles are different no matter how long you've been living together. Taking the time to explore your new relationship and just have each other to yourselves makes all the difference to a strong and lasting bond. It is through this time that you truly meld your values and goals."
"Don't believe anything you hear, and only half of what you see.""
"Always remember the strength of "we" will always be found in how well you take care of yourself as an individual so that you are able to be a healthy part of more than you will ever be as an individual. The biggest "trick" to marriage is to learn how to remain "you" within the love of being a couple."