How to handle your next conflict
No couple can keep away from some type of conflict. Misunderstandings can easily happen. Instead of trying to avoid the conflict, or letting your tempers flair, use these guidelines to help you both maturely discuss the situation with each other.
Learning how to handle things through experience...
- Don't make your partner feel insignificant because they may have been in the wrong. Loving You (LYC) user, Melia suggests, "The way I handle conflicts with my partner is by communicating on an equal level. Allowing my partner to speak and express their side and after they are finished, express mine. Then come to a mutual agreement and move on. You can't change what has happened. All you can do is talk about how it makes you feel, and then move on from there."
- Take time to really think things through before speaking. "I take a deep breath and take my time to think before I speak because I know how bad it feels to say things, then regret saying them after," says LYC user, Korin.
- Don't talk about it in the heat of the moment. Don't talk about it in the heat of the moment. LYC user, Ren, suggests, "By going out to a restaurant for coffee or dinner you can talk about the problem where you know tempers can not flair." "We wait until we are not angry at each other anymore, then send an e-mail or leave a note where we both can see each it, with a date, time or place for a discussion, usaully away from home. Sometimes we meet at a hotel room, restaurant, park or the beach," offers LYC user, Denise.
- Write your feelings out on paper. Sometimes it is easier to collect your thoughts and feelings through the written word as LYC user, Rachel, has found. "Sometimes we e-mail each other letters that we have written. It seems that we can get everything more out in the open when we take time to write it all down."
- Take the time to really understand what your partner is upset about. Suggested by one LYC user, "Once I find out what the general complaint is, I listen for what her concerns are on the topic. If the response is not clear enough, I will probe for more details. I try to identify the source - whether internal or external - and ask for some time to rationalize whether blame should be placed inside/outside of the relationship." When you take the time to truly understand your partner's perspective, you are showing them that you respect their opinions.
- Seek out love first. Putting your love for each other first is an ideal solution we all strive for. LYC user, Dee, offers this suggestion for attaining this, "We both made an agreement that when an issue gets out of hand, one of us draws a hot bubble bath and waits for the other one to join. It always takes us back to what is really important, our love for one another."