Is there something to sleeping in separate beds?
I Love Lucy was alive and thriving in the 1950s. Conservative in nature, the show portrayed Lucy and Desi sleeping in separate beds in an effort to diminish any sexual relations between the couple. Even still, they managed to conceive their firstborn child, Ricky Jr. This all begs the question: Is there something to sleeping in separate beds?
After a long day of stressful situations that may include unruly children, nasty bosses and hectic commuting, the idea of a welcoming, freshly-made bed to rejuvenate feels like heaven on earth. But what happens if your sleeping partner snores, gets up to pee frequently or tosses and turns all night? At what point is it OK for a couple to sleep in separate beds?
"By being in separate beds and rooms, you might get a better night's sleep," says Dr. Ava Cadell. "It means you can turn off the TV when you want and you don't have to wake up when your partner's alarm clock goes off."
Sleeping in separate beds also means less sex, obviously. J. Waterman, sleepologist and author, found that out of 100 couples, partners who sleep in separate beds have 20 percent less sex. Let's face it: If you and your partner are in separate beds or separate rooms, the frequency of sex tends to go down, and you can expect your relationship to follow.
"Couples feel more connected and secure in their relationship when they sleep together," says Dr. Oexman. "Studies have indicated that couples may get health benefits from sleeping together due to increased feelings of safety, security and well-being. This shows that psychological impact of couple sleep should outweigh any negatives of how couples may disturb each other at night — whether through sheet-stealing or snoring."
Dr. Oexman suggests that couples sleeping together buy the largest bed that can fit in their room to help give them 'distance' when they need it. He also suggests using separate sheets and blankets to reduce co-partner disturbance and difference in temperature issues. If there are issues of snoring or other sleep disorders, they should be treated. Sleep problems can be signs of other health conditions and couples should never ignore health problems.
If sleeping in the same bed is an important issue to you as a couple, but you cannot agree upon a suitable and comfortable mattress, consider a His/Hers bed. This is one bed where each side is customized for individual preferences. For example, his can be firm, while hers can be plush. This helps couples get a good night's sleep while staying together.
If sleeping in separate beds is an absolute must for you to get your sleep on, consider doing it on a schedule. "Spend some nights sleeping together and others sleeping apart," suggests Dr. Cadell. "If you want to get uninterrupted sleep, never make each other feel guilty for having separate beds." Dr. Cadell suggests crawling back into bed with your partner and surprising him or her with some sexy kisses, oral pleasure and sexual intercourse when they least expect it. Making a conscious effort to encourage and engage in sexual activity with your partner is important when sleeping in separate beds.