Remember how we had Britney Spears and her then-plastic stomach to thank for all those midriff-baring tops? Remember how every female in America, regardless of the size of her gut, thought it was OK to wear one? Remember how Paris Hilton did the same thing with low-riding jeans until half of America started walking around with its bum hanging out?
We must continually remind ourselves — just because a celebrity does it, doesn’t make it right…
Please mark the box with an X if you are sick and tired of celebrities making ridiculous sunglasses the norm. First we had Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie to thank for making those wasp-eye, over-sized sunglasses all the rage. We looked like a nation of demented bugs when that was popular. Then Top Gun had to re-introduce the ever-annoying aviator glasses which normal people and cops think they look cool in (they don’t). We have Angelina Jolie to thank for perpetrating this myth.
Sunglasses designers have clearly run out of ideas because now celebrities are wearing plastic, color-rimmed sunglasses. These things make all of us look like 6-year-old girls, which is especially not good for the men who insist on wearing them.
Hats with fur flaps
This trend, demonstrated here by Jessica Alba, is likely the biggest fashion sin committed against good taste in some time. Here is when this look is appropriate — if you are a backwoods hillbilly or if you are traveling by dog sled through Antarctica. Unless you want to look like Cousin Eddie from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and have people point and jeer behind your back, do not succumb to this goofy trend.
We can only imagine that the makers of this hat paid Jessica Alba great sums of money to parade around in public wearing that monstrosity that is perched atop her otherwise beautiful head.
These seem to be all the rage among women in their 40s. We let it slip years ago when Britney Spears did it. But now that Jennifer Lopez and Shania Twain have made wearing skin suits common practice, we are ringing the fashion alarm. Let me assure you, in a nation where the average woman is a size 14, we do not need this trend becoming mainstream. Can you imagine a day where your sweet but portly neighbor thinks it’s a good idea to walk to the corner mailbox in a skin suit? Eye sores aside, these don’t look like they would be very comfortable. A day at the office in one of these get-ups could be problematic — you’d be digging this thing out of your lady parts all day. That’s not a good look for anyone.
In a perfect world, we’d stage a fashion intervention for Rihanna, as she is an offender of all awesomely-bad fashion trends. In fact, she sets a lot of them — including the thrice weekly Instagram photo taken of herself topless. Can someone take her phone away already? Chris Brown, are you listening? How many times does a person need to be told that they look good naked? Put some freakin’ clothes on and step away from the camera! The last thing the self-esteem of this country’s women needs is throngs of young women tweeting pictures of their vainglorious, topless self. Yes, Rihanna. You have breasts. Congratulations. Moving on…
Skinny jeans on boys
When my son and I were watching the American Music Awards and One Direction hopped on stage all wearing skinny jeans, my son quipped, “Skinny jeans look really masculine on a man. Said no one, ever.” This look is a problem for two very specific reasons. One, by virtue of their name and style, one should, ideally, be skinny to wear them. That reality excludes a healthy percentage of the population. Secondly, somehow men got the notion that it was OK for them to wear these jeans. Can you say “misinformed?” Skinny jeans are fine if you are a girl between the ages of 13 and 15. Everyone else please take one step back.