Top 10 places to have sex in the office
Unless you work in a bank, casino, airport or other heavily filmed workplace, getting it on in the office (with a co-worker, the sexy UPS delivery guy or your boyfriend when he stops by for lunch), can be an exciting endeavor. Here are some arousing and inappropriate places to get horizontal -- and vertical, in some cases.
Let it be known, we are not encouraging this behavior -- it can lead to big trouble! So if you’re thinking of doing it, take necessary precautions.
First, never mention removing your unmentionables to anyone -- not even your workplace bestie. Find a trustworthy partner, steer clear of all security cameras and never, ever e-mail anyone about the situation. Be very mindful -- you’d hate to land on the front page of the New York Times for sleeping your way to the top, end up on some unsavory website or, worse, end up unemployed. If you have to get some workplace booty, map out your office, create a game plan and be quick to get in and out.
Nowadays the daily grind is a different grind all together, but don’t get caught with your panties down. Here are a few of the best places to get giggity-giggity.
Your boss’ desk
Even if your boss isn’t the one you’re sleeping with, it’s forbidden and taboo -- which just makes it even hotter.
The elevator. Think about it -- you have a few minutes to get ‘er done before the door opens. It’s thrilling, it’s risky and every time you walk into that elevator you’re going to remember it. Just be sure he hits the right button.
I know, I know -- so cliché. But if you’re afraid of getting caught, it’s the least risky (no security cameras!) and nastiest place to do the nasty.
Supply closet or
On the floor, against a file cabinet, on top of a copy machine … sure, it’s an obvious choice, but there’s probably a lock on the door and privacy is key. Just don’t print any copies of your nekkid behind – remember, no evidence!
Under your desk
The space under your desk isn’t just for napping (we’ve all seen that episode of Seinfeld). Besides, sometimes hiding makes it more adventurous. If you really want a challenge, try pulling it off during the work day while passersby are present.
Not technically in the office, but it still counts. The back seat, the front seat, daylight or sundown – all make for fun positions and that little exhibitionist thrill. You’ll feel like a teen again -- just don’t get arrested.
Don’t tell me you haven’t fantasized about straddling someone on one of those ergonomic chairs. There’s a reason they’re “built for optimal support and performance.”
The lunch room
A little “afternoon delight” for dessert never hurt anyone. Maybe avoid lunchtime, though -- your comings and goings needn’t interfere with other diners’ comings and goings.
This might not seem risqué, but if you like sexting, you’ll love this. It’s especially naughty while on the clock. Refrain from blushing if possible, or you’ll be a dead giveaway.
Whether you’re bent over the table or on top of it, there’s no question you’ll look forward to meetings from now on. We just hope it isn’t glass.