Crystals. Are. Everywhere. From yoga studios to tarot spreads to water bottles and even sex toys, whether you believe crystals have vibrational properties or are just pretty to look at, it’s hard not to be curious about what they can do. We were surprised to find that in addition to being useful in your own personal journey, crystals can be powerful in relationships too.
We spoke with Heather Askinosie, cofounder of Energy Muse and coauthor of Crystal Muse: Everyday Rituals to Tune In to the Real You to see what crystals could do for relationships.
Before working with any crystal, Askinosie says you need to do two things: Cleanse it and program it. “Cleansing it in saltwater or sage or sound or mantras — you cleanse the energy of the miner and all the different people who have touched it before it was in your hands. And what is important is once you’ve cleansed it, you program it. Say, ’May this crystal be programmed to help me open my heart, come from my highest good’ — whatever you want it to do.”
From there, she told us the best crystals and stones to work with for common relationship issues.
1. Jealousy: Rose quartz
“If you look at rose quartz, it just looks like love. Usually, when we come from a place of love in how we talk to people, how we treat people, then how we situations shifts, we don’t feel the energy of jealousy as much because that’s not where we’re at,” Askinosie says.
How to do it: “Before you go to bed, you just lay a piece of rose quartz over your heart for eleven minutes and just kind of breathe, take in your day, ask that your heart be cleansed and that you come from a place of love,” she explains.
2. Sex: Carnelian
Carnelian is helpful when it comes to the second chakra, Askinosie says. But don’t expect the crystal to do all the work. “Usually, what happens with libido and all that stuff is that when we’re in relationships where we thought we forgave someone for something that hurt our feelings — you know, infidelity or an issue that really caused this harbored emotion that was not really forgiven — that’s the fastest way to have your libido dry up,” she tells SheKnows.
How to do it: “Laying a crystal on your second chakra or on your heart is going to help you to be honest enough with yourself to say, ‘OK, have I forgiven that person? What do I need to deal with within myself so that I can start healing myself, thus […] heal this relationship?’” Askinosie says.
3. Money: Pyrite
“Most people go through some kind of vibe with money. That’s just an Earth lesson,” she says. The challenge is to work through it so you can understand your own baggage and communicate it to your partner.
How to use it: Journal and hold the cleansed and programmed pyrite. “Be honest with yourself, saying, ‘What’s holding me back in my financial life?’ Let yourself be your own doctor,” instructs Askinosie.
4. Family: Rose quartz spheres
This stone is especially important around holidays and birthdays when family tends to gather. “Rose quartz is back to love,” she says. “Usually, when you feel love and you feel happy, there’s not a lot of fighting and bickering.”
How to use it: Put it on the dining room table or in the living room, where family tends to gather. Askinosie explains, “That way the energy is emitting in that space and people will feel that whether they buy this whole crystal thing or not.”
5. Frequent arguments: Black tourmaline
First, pay attention to where the arguments tend to occur. “There are usually certain rooms in a house people will have arguments in,” she says. “Kind of like we clean our house, we have to clean our spiritual energy house too.”
How to use it: “I definitely like putting black tourmaline in rooms that have a lot of fighting and discord because it absorbs all the negative energy,” says Askinosie. Every week, cleanse the stone — put it in the dirt, the sun or under the moonlight for a day or two — and cleanse the room with sage and mantras. The room will feel lighter, she said, and you won’t want to fight as much.
6. Communication: Blue stones
If you feel like your conversations aren’t going well or you aren’t being heard, it’s worth reflecting on the energy you’re sending out. “Do we say things to put somebody on the defense, or do we say something to have somebody hear us?” Askinosie says. “And are we saying something to be right and make a point or are we saying something because we want to have an engaged conversation?” Blues stones can help you keep these questions close.
How to use it: Wear lapis lazuli, turquoise or amazonite around your throat to help you communicate in a more conscious way.
7. Spending quality time together: Green stones
If you find yourself arguing with your partner over how much time to spend together or apart, Askinosie says it’s worth noting we naturally want to spend more time with people we feel safe around. In order to feel safe, she says, we have to be able to be vulnerable. That’s why she recommends malachite and heart stones. “[Malachite] helps men tap into their inner power, their vulnerability, where they can be safe to say, ‘You know what? That hurt my feelings.’”
How to use it: Wear malachite (for men) or heart stones, like aventurine or other green stones, around your heart.
Before you start adventuring into the world of crystals, Askinosie cautions that you shouldn’t rely too heavily on the crystals themselves. “Crystals are a tool,” she says. “If you think that a crystal is going to change your life, you’re going to be really disappointed.”
In order for crystals to be helpful, you have to be willing to be really honest with yourself and ask the hard questions. “The only person that is going to change your life is you. The crystals are here as a tool to help you go deeper into these emotional questions,” she says. “That’s where all the juice is.”