Another day, another nightmarish scenario on a United Airlines flight. Exactly one month ago, a scorpion stung a traveler on a United plane after the arachnid fell from an overhead compartment, and now, a second scorpion has been spotted, this time climbing out of a customer’s clothes on a flight from Houston to Quito, Ecuador. Damn, United, not even sweet flight deals can make up for this kind of track record!
I mean, if you made a checklist of everything you don’t want during air travel, United could hit every box. If you can’t wear leggings, might get kicked off the flight and beat up and could be sharing your economy seat with a freakin’ scorpion, what’s the point of even leaving the house?
Luckily, this time the passenger wasn’t stung. United directed the plane back to its gate when the creature was spotted and had medics examine the customer for any scorpion stings.
They shuffled everyone off the plane and switched aircrafts just in case they were about to run into some sort of scorpions-on-a-plane B-movie thriller situation. And it’s United, so truly, who knows what might have happened considering their recent track record?
The plane was delayed for three hours, but everyone got a meal voucher so they could enjoy some food (Chili’s to-go?) before their flight, which totally makes up for the threat of death by scorpion every time you fly United.
Well, I guess it’s time to start searching for carry on-friendly bottles of scorpion repellent. I can put it in my United-ready weekender bag with my pajama jeans (I don’t care what anyone says, they’re not leggings), body cam and giant bunny-reviver pills (R.I.P. Simon).