Despite announcing a delay in his official announcement due to the Nice terrorist attacks, it’s pretty much a sure thing that Donald Trump is going to pick Indiana governor Mike Pence as his running mate. If you’re like us, your first reaction was, “Why the hell would Trump pick James Brolin for vice president?” And your second reaction was, “What’s a Mikepence?”
Well, we’ve done some research for you, and we’re afraid the news isn’t good for those of us who aren’t straight white men. It’s true that, among the VP options of himself, Gingrich and Christie, Pence is the least likely to coax out a fart and then name it Hillary during a national debate. However, he is still awful enough to gain The Donald’s approval. So, hang on to your short and curlies, people, it’s about to get ugly.
1. The government hopes you enjoyed having control of your body for a while, but they’d like to have that back now. KTHXBAI!
A deeply religious Christian, it’s no surprise that Pence really wants everyone to have all the babies. In March of this year, he signed a bill making Indiana a state with some of the most prohibitive abortion laws in the country. Let’s take a look at what this law entails:
- Indiana became only the second state in the union to restrict women’s rights to abortion on the basis of the fetus’s gender, race or disability. It’s that last one that’s the problem, as some of us think it’s wrong to give birth to a baby with, for example, anencephaly, which causes them to be born without major parts of their brains or skulls or both. In Indiana, you get to give birth to that baby and then watch it die. Do you think Pence will come to your room in perinatal hospice to support you? Wethinks the chances are slim.
- If a doctor does perform an abortion for one of the above reasons, they can be held liable for wrongful death.
- After an abortion, the remains must be either buried or cremated, and fetal tissue donation is not allowed.
- Actually, this bill is so offensive I can’t even list all of the things that make me want to rage puke. You can read about it yourself on the Indiana General Assembly’s website.
2. We mean it. He really doesn’t want you to have an abortion. Or a pap smear. Or get tested for HIV.
In 2011, Pence was one of the legislators who supported shutting down the government in an attempt to defund Planned Parenthood. Indiana did, in fact, succeed in cutting so much funding to Planned Parenthood that a number of state clinics had to close. Hey, here’s a fun fact! Did you know that Scott County, Indiana, the location of one of those closed clinics, has had a huge outbreak of HIV since then? How about that? It’s almost like the two things are related.
3. He became known nationally for his Religious Freedom Restoration Act, and that bill sucked. Big time.
You might remember this bill, which would have allowed any business owner to refuse service to gay, lesbian or transgender customers due to religious objections. Luckily, the good people of Indiana (and the rest of the country) lost their collective shit and demanded that he revise the bill. Pence, claiming that the bill had been “misinterpreted,” changed it to include civil rights protections for LGBT folks before signing it into law.
Would it surprise you to know that Pence also opposes gay marriage? Thought not.
4. He proposed a state-run news service for Indiana
Guess who else uses their own news agency? North Korea. So, there’s a good role model. Also, Pence once again faced so much criticism for this idea that he gave it what I now call “The Ol’ Pence Never Mind” and scrapped these plans a few days later.
5. He once described himself as “Rush Limbaugh on decaf”
Speaking of good role models, it says a lot about a person when they choose to describe themselves as a vicious hate-monger, only less jittery.
6. He opposes having LGBT soldiers in the military
When Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed, Pence fought against it, saying, “Homosexuality is incompatible with military service because the presence of homosexuals in the ranks weakens unit cohesion.” Really? Because the soldiers in those units didn’t agree with you. That fight didn’t go Pence’s way, either. Are you noticing a pattern?
7. He promoted marriage as a way to curb childhood poverty because sorry what’s that now?
Pence, who appears to hold a deep prejudice against facts, thinks that fewer children would live in poverty if their parents were married. He also voted against increasing the minimum wage in Indiana, so it seems that if you are a member of a low-income family in Indiana, you’d better grab a buddy and hop to the chapel to get that marriage benefit, which we’re assuming includes a livable wage, child care assistance and sick leave. Except there’s none of that. So, good luck with your new life partner (not you, gay people)!
It’s interesting to note that the people who would be punished the most by this approach (i.e., single parents) are primarily women. And when you look at Pence’s positions on all of the above, it becomes obvious that the welfare of women, the poor, LGBT people and anyone who isn’t white don’t make it into the top 25 on his list of priorities (I think we fall just behind “find that stick-thing that holds multiple rolls of toilet paper in bathrooms so Karen will stop making me get more from the downstairs closet.”).
Remember all that stuff Trump said about how he was going to be the best president for women, The Gays, and The Blacks? Based on his VP selection, it looks like he may have been lying to us. Again. As always.
Turd / Hate Fairy 2016!