How awkward is being raised by a single dad? Let us count the ways ...
We hear about single moms all the time, but the stories about dads wrangling the parental duties on their own are few and far between. It's unfortunate, because if you were raised by a single dad your upbringing was probably pretty awesome. It was likely filled with adventures and lessons and fourth downs and memories that have completely fulfilled your life, but... it was also awkward at times. So, so awkward.
If you're a woman that has been raised by a single dad, you've got a thorough grasp of that awkward endeavor of enduring adolescence with a man that likely doesn't have a clue what a day in the life of a woman is like.
You probably turned out just fine, but that doesn't mean that you don't completely understand the struggles.
- You had zero help in the hair and beauty department. It probably didn't take that long for you to realize you would be left to fend for yourself when it came to braiding your hair. You may have learned that lesson the hard way after entering the fourth grade with what was supposed to be a braid ... but instead looked more like the remnants of a girl whose hair had weathered a hurricane.
- The hell that is purchasing tampons with your dad. You don't understand the meaning of the word awkward until you're explaining to your dad the difference between the regular tampons and the super ones.
- The book that was strategically laid on your pillow that depicted the birds and the bees. Sex talk? What sex talk?
- The Taser and/or Mace that accompanied your driver's license. Because if Dad couldn't be around to protect his little girl, a Taser would most likely get the job done.
- Every crush you ever had was immediately criminalized. It doesn't matter whether your crush walked around with a picture of Jesus around his neck — to dads this is actually a strategic move on your crush's part used to lure you into the back seat of their car where they would promptly de-flower you. Yes, "de-flower."
- You're a great griller, but a less-than-stellar cook. You can work a propane grill better than you can a crock-pot, and you can definitely eyeball the perfect steak without having to cut into it.
- You don't need anyone to help you change a tier. Another thing that accompanied your driver's license was "roadside assistance 101." During this overwhelmingly terrifying lesson, you learned that you're probably going to be taken at some point, how to assemble an engine, jump start a car, use your safety whistle and change a flat tire. If only this sort of attentiveness had been shared with you when you were learning how to do your makeup, you might not look so much like the Joker (the scary one) when you try to accomplish the perfect cat eye with your liquid liner.
- Puberty was pretty much the worst. Again, there was probably a book or a brochure hidden in your bathroom somewhere that explained the hell that was happening to your body, but not much else.
- You had an "exit outfit" that you wore to hide your actual outfit for the night because your dad was certain it was too revealing. Teenage girls raised by single dads are basically modern-day Clark Kents.
- You had the hardware store memorized at an early age. No sir, I don't need your assistance finding the drill bits.
- You never learned how to ask for directions, so you're especially attentive to road signs. Thank goodness for GPS, because you were taught that you were basically a failure at life in general if you asked for directions when you were lost.
- You pretended that your boyfriend didn't exist for months so that your dad wouldn't find out about him. Who's Ryan? Oh, just this guy you've been dating for the last two years — you're planning on getting married and have the names of your future children picked out, but it's really not that serious.
- Not being able to talk for a substantial part of your life because of third downs. Or while someone was pitching, shooting a free throw, fishing, etc.
- Not being able to talk because someone was putting. Or during their back swing.
- "Rub a little dirt on it." Scraped your knee? Rub a little dirt on it. Broke your ankle? Rub a little dirt on it.
If you were raised by a single dad, there's a good chance that you hit a few bumps in the long and awkward road of adolescence, but that didn't prevent you from turning out any less awesome than your friends. Really, what kind of 16-year-old girl can change a tire and grill a steak? A freaking awesome one!
Before you go, check out our slideshow below: