Communication when you’re upset is challenging and often nearly impossible. The negative emotions that arise when we’re already upset make it difficult to communicate in a logical manner. When you slam doors, this is actually a kind of communication. Of course, it’s not an effective way of communicating, which means that in the end you don’t get the kind of outcome you’re hoping for. There is a better way to communicate when you’re upset.
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1. Only own your stuff
When you’re angry, be angry. If someone else is trying to get under your skin or something they do is an irritation, seek the answers to your reaction. It is a personal choice to react to someone else, and you can choose the high road anytime. Look for ways to manage your actions and temper regardless of what situations come up. Learning about your triggers through personal development can be a very important key to positive change when you’re upset.
2. Use “I feel” language
It is much more powerful to state how you are feeling than to personally attack someone for making you feel a certain way. This can be very difficult in the heat of the moment but it allows you to get in touch with what’s really happening in you. It also allows the person you’re communicating with to see where you’re coming from.
3. Listen to the conversation
It’s essential that you listen to the person you’re in communication with. It’s what you hope and expect from them, and by listening you’re showing without saying a word that you care about the other person’s feelings.
4. Learn the art of letting go
If you’re communicating with someone and your aim is to have the other person admit their wrongdoings, it’s likely you’re in for a power struggle. Letting go of your anger and fixations in the middle of communication will bring resolve far more quickly. It’s OK to be honest and real about what’s bothering you but once you say what needs to be said, it’s time to let it go. The other person doesn’t have to share your views.
5. Take a deep breath
If you’re upset, it may only get worse through communication. Instead of letting your emotions escalate, remember to breathe. If you feel like the conversation is too much, take a moment away from the situation to gather your thoughts.