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14 signs you were raised by a dentist

I believe children of dentists have more burdens to bear than children of any other type of doctor, because there’s far more daily guilt that goes along with dental care. And what better time to have the relive that guilt than this month, which is National Dental Hygiene Month.

As a child of a dentist, I can assure you, that guilt never goes away, even after your dentist parent is retired. There are simply too many ways you can knowingly (and unknowingly) mess up your teeth. But it’s not just about tooth care guilt. Here are 14 signs you were raised by a dentist parent that go way beyond sugar-free soda.

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1. You have a personal vendetta against flossing

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You purposefully floss less now that you’re an adult as a form of rebellion against all those years of surprise in-home floss inspections. However, the victorious feeling only lasts until your dentist parent sees the state of your gums at your annual checkup.

2. You’ve had more x-rays taken than all of your friends

Image: Kaleb Fulgham/Flickr

You could easily make a giant, elaborate collage of all the x-ray photos of your molars alone. You also tend to glow a little at night from all the radiation (jk jk, but seriously, that’s a lot of radiation exposure).

3. You’ve used the water jet dental tool as a squirt gun on the hygienists

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Come on… They were probably having fun too.

4. When people find out your dad/mom’s a dentist, they automatically ask you for dental advice

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Last I checked, a dentistry degree was not genetically transferrable, but sure, you might want to get that greyish tooth checked out.

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5. …Or an appointment with your dentist parent

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Suddenly you’re playing the role of busy receptionist. “The doctor is booked all through March, but would sometime in April work for you?”

6. And then of course there’s the personal tooth scrutiny

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People can’t understand why you’ve had cavities filled if you’re the child of a dentist.

7. You have a special relationship with Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors

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And your dentist parent LOVES playing into that scary stereotype.

8. The thought of non-sugar-free gum makes your teeth hurt

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That stuff was never allowed anywhere near your mouth when you were growing up, so now you have an inherent aversion to it.

9. But you still gamble on chewy snacks at the movies, like Starburst, Milk Duds, and gummy worms

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After all, it feels really good to be bad sometimes.

10. Somehow you always forget your toothbrush when you travel.

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Because of how many times you get free ones, you always expect them to appear when you need one.

11. You play the “which actor’s got veneers” game every time you watch a movie

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Spoiler alert: all of them.

12. You’ve probably (definitely) taken a secret hit or two of nitrous when no one was looking

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What? They give it to patients all the time!

13. You can tell what all your friends’ gingivitis levels are just by looking at their smiles

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Uh oh… Sarah’s creeping into level two…

14. You’ve had more retainers made for you than anyone ever should

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If only they’d stop accidentally getting thrown into the trash!

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