Things are getting serious as we move into Super Tuesday, and Donald Trump is leading the polls. John Oliver, for one, has had enough of the lunacy and went to work taking him down one brutal barb at a time on Sunday’s Last Week Tonight. For 22 minutes, he slays Trump with a mix of frightening facts and observations about the ludicrous moves Trump has made that are nothing short of laughable.
While the whole thing is brilliant, it’s the comparisons he made between Trump and some particularly awful things that really drive this home. Here are six of our favorites.
1. A back mole
“It may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it’s gotten frighteningly bigger, it’s hard to ignore.”
Check yourselves, America!
2. The lunch buffet at a strip club or having a chimp for a pet
“Sure, it seems fun, but someday Coco is going to tear your f***ing limbs off.”
Noting that at one point his family name may have been the “less magical” Drumpf, Oliver let loose on the comparisons.
“It’s the sound produced when a morbidly obese pigeon flies into the window of a foreclosed Old Navy. Drumpf. It’s the sound of a bottle of store-brand root beer falling off the shelf in a gas station mini-mart.”
Oliver would like everyone to use the family’s original name and even purchased www.donaldjdrumpf.com to further the cause.
4. A lemur
As for facts and the truth of many a matter, Oliver said Trump has no use for them.
“Donald Trump views the truth like this leema views the Supreme Court vacancy. I don’t care about that in any way. Please f*** off, I have a banana.”
5. A gold Sharpie
This is a hilarious reference to the notes Donald reportedly still sends to Spy magazine after they called him a “short-fingered vulgarian.” The writer says he still gets pictures from Trump of Trump’s hands with “See, not so short” written across them in gold Sharpie. Oliver says this is the perfect comparison for Trump.
“The very fact that he’s so sensitive about [his fingers] is absolutely hilarious, as is the fact that those notes were apparently written in gold Sharpie, which is so quintessentially Donald Trump — something that gives the passing appearance of wealth but is really just a cheap tool.”
6. A “litigious serial liar with a string of broken business ventures and the support of a former Klan leader who he can’t decide whether or not to condemn”
That pretty much sums it up.
Here’s the whole video for your viewing pleasure. Watch, laugh, but most important, vote wisely.