There’s no denying this election season has been something akin to a circus. From the chaotic early days of the enormous field of GOP candidates and the Bernie versus Hillary Internet flame wars to practically everything Donald Trump says, there’s plenty to amuse and horrify the average voter. It’s a brave new world, where campaigning for president means eating dog biscuits on film and tweeting out pictures of your piece. Something that isn’t new, however, is the sexism.
Every time anyone’s up for election, we can always rely on it, timeless and steady as the tides, to keep us grounded. Sometimes blatant, sometimes subtle, bizarre opinions about lady bits and pantsuits are things we can always depend on being there, just like a really grubby and sort of rancid-smelling security blanket.
This election cycle is no different. Here are 15 of the best-known and most egregious incidents of it so far.
1. John Kasich’s charismatic magnetism draws women from their kitchens to his campaign like moths to a flame
At a town hall in Fairfax, Virginia, John Kasich wanted to be sure everyone knew who was responsible — motivated, kitchen-dwelling ladies.
“And how did I get elected? Nobody was. I didn’t have anybody for me. We just got an army of people who, um, and many women, who left their kitchens to go out and go door to door and to put yard signs up for me.”
Afterward one of his supporters tried to set him straight, saying, “First off, I want to say, your comment earlier about the women came out the kitchen to support you? I’ll come to support you, but I won’t be coming out of the kitchen.”
Later he said he was real sorry that people took offense to his unoffensive comment, and prescribed a solution by saying, “Everybody’s just got to relax.”
Duly noted. So ladies, when you’re done with those sandwiches, try to not be so sensitive all the time. Maybe relax and see if that helps.
2. Ben Carson thinks women get abortions because they just don’t know any better
On the scale of “wait, did he really just say that?” Carson’s commentary on the womenfolk isn’t even that bizarre. Of course, that’s relatively speaking. Just something to keep in mind when he sets you straight on your reproductive rights like this:
“There is no war on [women] — the war is on their babies… What we need to do is reeducate the women to understand that they are the defenders of these babies.”
3. Extrajudicial shootings of young black men? Carson asks us to blame the people responsible — single mothers
Similarly, Carson knows what all smart dudes do: There’s no problem too large or too small to be pinned onto single moms, but especially single black moms. On a radio show interview, we were treated to the amateur Egyptologist’s clumsy dissertation on why so many young black men are being gunned down with impunity and why inner-city violence is a problem:
“Certainly in a lot of our inner cities, in particular the black inner cities, where 73 percent of the young people are born out of wedlock, the majority of them have no father figure in their life.
I think a lot of it really got started in the ’60s with the ‘me generation.’ ‘What’s in it for me?’ I hate to say it, but a lot of it had to do with the women’s lib movement. You know, ‘I’ve been taking care of my family, I’ve been doing that, what about me?’ You know, it really should be about us.”
4. Mike Huckabee and the strange tale of Uncle Sugar
This one was just kind of weird. Huckabee attempted to reframe the “War on Women” as the insidious plot of the opposition to keep women horny and entitled.
“That’s not a war on them. It’s a war for them. And if the Democrats want to insult the women of America by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control, because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it.”
5. Ted Cruz knows how to handle misbehaving little girls
“You know, I’ll tell you, in my house, if my daughter Catherine, the 5-year-old, says something she knows to be false, she gets a spanking. Well, in America the voters have a way of administering a spanking… There will be accountability for Benghazi.”
Whether or not you think Hillary Clinton is trustworthy is for you to figure out on your own. While you’re pondering that, try solving this riddle: Which is ickier? Comparing Hillary Clinton to a 5-year-old or using the comparison to gleefully talk about spanking a 68-year-old woman?
6. Lucky Jeanette Rubio has a husband who will explain things to her very slowly
Marco Rubio’s wife, despite working as a bank teller, needed a quick explainer on student loans and money, two things she was unlikely to have ever encountered in a bank.
“They didn’t save enough money for us to go to school. I had to work my way through school. I had to borrow money to go to school. I tried, early in my marriage, explaining to my wife why someone named Sallie Mae was taking $1,000 out of our bank account every month.”
Har har, get it? Wimminz are such the dumb!
7. Rick Santorum has a bad feeling about ladies having bad feelings
Women shouldn’t be in combat roles, says Rick Santorum, because their feelings gland might expel too much emotion, causing them to wilt like the little flowers they are.
“But I do have concerns about women in frontline combat. I think that could be a very compromising situation, where people naturally may do things that may not be in the interest of the mission because of other types of emotions that are involved.”
8. Scott Walker doesn’t care for Billary Clinton very much
By comparison, GOP candidate and Josh Duggar fan Scott Walker looks positively progressive. He just forgot for a second that Hillary is the one who is running for president and her husband, Bill, was already president. “Two become one” is a sentiment, Scott, not a literal merging. Here’s what he said when discussing how to defeat Hillary Clinton, who is probably just a sock puppet for her husband:
“You gotta move it from a personality race, because if it’s a personality race, you got a third Clinton term.”
9. Chris Christie forgot what year it is
Chris Christie pulled this failed attempt at tugging heartstrings during the fifth GOP debate while discussing the terror attack in San Bernardino straight out of a 1950s reader, it seems:
“Think about the mothers who will take those children tomorrow morning to the bus stop, wondering whether their children will arrive back on that bus safe and sound… Think about the fathers of Los Angeles, who tomorrow will head off to work and wonder about the safety of their wives and their children.”
10. Bernie Sanders can’t differentiate between “shouting” and “reasoned dissent”
Bernie Sanders is an outspoken advocate for women’s rights, and yet many people thought that this comment to opponent Hillary Clinton was just more of the same casual sexism we’re so used to seeing:
“I can tell Secretary Clinton that all the shouting in the world is not going to do what I would hope all of us want.”
11 – 15. Donald Trump can’t stop talking
Sigh. This could have easily been 15 quotes from The Donald alone, but who has the stomach for that? Here we go…
On Carly Fiorina, former GOP hopeful and seasoned businesswoman known face-haver:
“Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?”
On Heidi Klum, supermodel and entrepreneur lady past her prime: “Heidi Klum. Sadly she’s no longer a 10.”
On Hillary Clinton, experienced stateswoman and Democratic hopeful a woman scorned: “If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?”
On Megyn Kelly, former attorney and Fox News anchor menstruating person:
“You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.”
“Fox viewers give low marks to bimbo [Megyn Kelly] will consider other programs!”
Before you go, check out our slideshow below.