Woman live blogs her rape ordeal

One extremely brave woman live-blogged her whole rape ordeal on social media to send an important message: don’t be scared to speak out.

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Amber Amour, 27, was in South Africa with friends when she alleges she was assaulted by a man in a shower at her hostel. The New Yorker, who is currently on a tour to promote her “Stop Rape. Educate” campaign, which she started after she was attacked in New York, made the decision to live-blog the entire thing to her 25,000 Instagram followers through a series of images and lengthy posts, which are at times difficult to read.

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It was only a few minutes ago but sometimes these things happen so fast it's hard to remember all the details…. I've been sick for the past 2 days and today was my first day out. I went back to my old hostel to leave a note for a friend, Nick. There was another guy there, Shakir, who was desperately trying to get with me. I kissed him once but he seemed drunk so I told him it was bad timing, I had already met someone. Before heading out, I went upstairs to say hi to one more friend, Clyde from the states. Shakir followed me upstairs and said he was going to take a shower. He invited me to join. I said yes because the water at my current hostel is pretty cold and after 2 days of being sick, I just really wanted a hot shower. As soon as I got in the bathroom, he forced me to my knees. I said "stop!" but he just got more violent. He lifted me up and put his penis in my vagina. I asked him to stop, again, as I began to cry. When he shoved it in my ass, that's when I passed out. I woke up a few minutes later and saw him trying to creep out the door. When he saw that I was awake, he came back to finish me off in the shower. I have all those fucked up feelings that we get after rape…shame, disgust, suffering. I'm here, alone, and any DNA has been wiped away in the shower. The South African police will just roll their eyes when I walk in. Feeling sicker than ever now. Needless today, I'm going to disappear for a bit. Just need to enjoy the freaking sun and call my friends and family in the states. Love you guys. Thank you for always being there for me. All the more reason to continue @stoprapeeducate but not today. Today, I need rest. #StopRapeEducate

A post shared by Amber Amour (@ambertheicon) on

Amber claims she was raped by a “local South African man” called Shakir, when she returned to her hostel after a day out — her first since being ill with food poisoning for two days.

“Shakir followed me upstairs and said he was going to take a shower,” she wrote on Instagram. “He invited me to join. I said yes because the water at my current hostel is pretty cold and after 2 days of being sick, I just really wanted a hot shower.”

Amber went on to say that as soon as she entered the bathroom, Shakir forced her to her knees, and became increasingly violent even though she asked him to stop. “He lifted me up and put his penis in my vagina,” she wrote. “I asked him to stop, again, as I began to cry. When he shoved it in my ass, that’s when I passed out.”

“I have all those f**ked up feelings that we get after rape… shame, disgust, suffering,” she continued. “I’m here, alone, and any DNA has been wiped away in the shower.”

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These are the Angel Cards I drew last night. 🔮 Headed to the hospital now. Keep praying for me, everyone. Dealing with cops is tough and the rape kit is the last thing I want– tools and metal instruments and combs all up in my private parts…. But this is what I stand for. I tell you guys to speak up every single day and I know that I need to practice what I preach. It is so incredibly hard, tho, but having you all here for me makes all the difference. I know that this may not go anywhere and I know that I may face ridicule by the police but I will take a shot at "justice" anyway. What I tell the survivors who reach out to me is that justice, true justice, can only come from within. Justice is inner peace. I'm still getting there but whether he serves time or not, I know what I need to do to heal. Today is just Day 1. Thanks to my amazing new friend @hyomie for coming with me to the hospital. And many thanks to the dozens of messages I've received. You all are so amazing. I'll try and respond to each one as soon as I can. ⭐️ #StopRapeEducate

A post shared by Amber Amour (@ambertheicon) on

Amber’s second post was shared when she was on her way to the hospital the following day, with an image of the Angel Cards she drew the previous night.

“Dealing with cops is tough and the rape kit is the last thing I want– tools and metal instruments and combs all up in my private parts… (sic) But this is what I stand for,” she wrote. “I tell you guys to speak up every single day and I know that I need to practice what I preach. It is so incredibly hard, tho, but having you all here for me makes all the difference. I know that this may not go anywhere and I know that I may face ridicule by the police but I will take a shot at ‘justice’ anyway.”

More: 8 Symptoms of surviving rape that are very, very real

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My view of the rape kit. Thank you all for being so loving & supportive during this time. Your messages pushed me to take action and to stand up for myself and for all rape survivors. For those who wish to BLAME ME or any other survivor out there, I want you to know that you are the very reason that I am so brutally honest. I could have hidden details. I could have kept some info to myself, but NO. You need to know the truth and to see the reality of the situation. No matter what a person does, it is not an invitation for rape. It doesn't matter if I kissed him. It doesn't matter if he was drunk. It doesn't matter if I said yes to a shower. I never said he could get violent with me. I never said he could make me bleed. I never said he could rape me. But still, that's how the scene went down. I don't need to explain myself but if you're wondering WHY I took a shower with him, it was written in the text, I'd been sick with food poisoning for 2 days and needed to sweat it out. My current place of residence has only cold water (third world problems are real!) and it seemed like a miracle to be offered a hot shower. That's not what he was there for though, because as soon as he got a chance, he threw me to the ground and had his way. Dealing with rape is hard enough but the aftermath is often even more traumatic but I did this for you and I did this for me. The US Embassy and the South African police are super supportive and he may be arrested as soon as this week. Thank you for the love. And for the victim blamers, I send love, peace, and enlightenment to you so that you may be a beacon of light for us, too. #StopRapeEducate #AmberAmour #AmberTheActivist #SouthAfrica #humanitarian #healing #education #africa #survivor #sexualassault #recovery #victimblaming #overcome #rapeculture #staystrong

A post shared by Amber Amour (@ambertheicon) on

The third harrowing post was an image of the rape kit and in the caption Amber thanked her supporters for their loving messages, which pushed her “to take action and to stand up for myself and for all rape survivors.”

Responding to accusations from some people that Amber was somehow to blame for the attack, she posted: “No matter what a person does, it is not an invitation for rape. It doesn’t matter if I kissed him. It doesn’t matter if he was drunk. It doesn’t matter if I said yes to a shower. I never said he could get violent with me. I never said he could make me bleed. I never said he could rape me. But still, that’s how the scene went down. I don’t need to explain myself but if you’re wondering WHY I took a shower with him, it was written in the text, I’d been sick with food poisoning for 2 days and needed to sweat it out. My current place of residence has only cold water (third world problems are real!) and it seemed like a miracle to be offered a hot shower. That’s not what he was there for though, because as soon as he got a chance, he threw me to the ground and had his way.”

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I posted this picture in September 2015, before getting raped on the #StopRapeEducate World Tour. I thought this message was worthy of a repost in the name of @creatingconsentculture ⭐️ As much as I want to feel strong and happy about the new year, I've been feeling a little sick and triggered since I came back to Cape Town on January 1st to help with the police investigation. I think I'll feel better when I leave for Namibia this Thursday… 🌺 I'd like to remind everyone that every survivor has their own way of coping. I feel different everyday. Just because I focus on healing doesn't mean I'm not sad. That's precisely WHY I am working on feeling better. I only say this because it's time we stop painting pictures of what trauma survivors look like. Let's accept everyone and their own unique healing methods. As long as it's helpful, that's all that matters! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 #supportsurvivors #heforshe #girlpower #yesallwomen #humanrights #feminism #feminist #peace #peaceandlove #allmencan #makeadifference #bethechange #amberamour #ambertheactivist #bodypositive #lgbt #lgbtq #queer #hippiechick #namaste #effyourbeautystandards #peaceonearth #notaskingforit #peace #love #CreatingConsentCulture #consentculture #HealingWithAmber

A post shared by Amber Amour (@ambertheicon) on

Six weeks after the alleged attack Amber has returned to South Africa to assist the police with their investigation. She says the man who raped her was arrested but has been released on bail. The case will continue on March 29.

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