The ’90s sitcom Seinfeld inserted many things into pop culture, from The Human Fund and the puffy pirate shirts to yadda yadda yadda. It also gave us the holiday of Festivus: a time of year when you air your grievances and test the feats of strength. While we won’t be wrestling with anyone, we were curious what grievances our favorite feminists wanted to get off their chests this Festivus season.
What are your Festivus grievances?
“My lack of a money tree, folks who double down on their ignorance, carrots, rapists hiding behind consent expertise, raisins.” — Alex Blank Millard
“I have the usual number of grievances, but my main grievance is for the world — for the refugees shivering and dying out in the cold; for the black communities mourning their dead and missing those incarcerated as they celebrate the holiday without them.
“I rededicate my anger for the new year, to sustain me as I struggle for justice.” — Margaret Corvid
“Hear that sound? That’s me cracking my knuckles. Because this is a big one. And it’s for all of you. I know that you think your opinions are important and valuable, but you know what I could do without? Hearing your opinions about women’s clothing ever at all. I do not care what you think about how some woman’s outfit looks unless you have something nice to say about it. Don’t like the way that skirt flatters some stranger’s figure? I don’t care. And if you do decide to pick apart the appearance of women on the street, be prepared for me to tear into you for your wardrobe choices for the day.
“TL:DR: NO ONE GIVES A F*** WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE CLOTHING CHOICES OF STRANGERS. STFU.” — Seraphina Ferraro
“My Festivus grievance is that in this country it costs thousands of dollars to file bankruptcy. My very simple, credit card debt-only filing in a friendly state/county is going to cost over $1,800 with an attorney who takes low-income clients — and I literally own nothing and therefore have the simplest bankruptcy ever. No one would file just to avoid paying a bill, because you get over a decade of bad credit, so there’s no need for it to be prohibitively expensive. Where is the presidential candidate with bankruptcy reform in their platform so we can return to the days of the simple, $300 filing?” — Katie Klabusich
“Some jerk delivery driver copped an attitude with me at seven in the morning, and I had to feed him his entire ass. I am not an agreeable morning person on my best day, let alone a day when my truck person calls out sick and I have some a-hole showing up two hours before they were scheduled to arrive and giving me a whole lot of unnecessary crap.” — Bree Casson
“My grievance is that so many of us feel forced to choose between living in an economy or living in a culture, instead of a health balance of both.” — Eva Romita
“My bra fitting differently after salty foods. I’ve had about enough of that.” — Ki Russell
“Obviously, being a raging feminist, my life is nothing but grievances. I’m a petty shrew, so hatin’ and being disappointed takes up a good portion of my time. Nonetheless, in the specific, I can confidently say that this year I have been disappointed in particular by friends, relatives, some women, most men, ‘the media,’ Jerry Seinfeld, most pets and the rest of the men. All men, actually. (And men. Did I say men already?) As to the airing of the specifics surrounding the way these groups and individuals have disappointed me over the previous year, I cannot speak. This column hasn’t the space to contain my specific grievances, they are so myriad and many.” — Jen Selk
“I am sick again! I HATE MY TONSILS!” — Mara Wilson
“I’m cranky that Season 2 of Jessica Jones isn’t already available on Netflix.” — Avital Norman Nathman