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Ask a Raging Feminist: How to survive a family get-together this holiday

With Thanksgiving around the corner and the December holidays hot on its heels, there will be many family gatherings, dinners and celebrations to get through.

While some families may be the epitome of Norman Rockwell, others may not be as picturesque and involve a lot more shouting and tears. For those already fretting about spending the holidays with the family, we’ve got you covered. Our favorite Raging Feminists share their holiday survival tips just for you. (Spoiler alert: Be prepared to drink. A lot.)

What are your holiday survival tips?

Don’t talk to anyone about anything. Or, if that’s not an option, have everyone fill out a lengthy questionnaire before the holidays about everyone’s position on race, gender and politics, and then, once you’ve collected those, don’t talk to anyone about anything.” — Lane Moore

During endless holiday gatherings with less-than-feminist family members, my husband and I pass the time by playing a game we’ve dubbed ‘Penis Power.’ When I voice an idea that is dismissed, ridiculed or corrected by anyone who begins their rebuttal with the obnoxious word ‘actually,’ he waits a bit, then voices the same idea, using slightly different language. For every previously contrarian individual who’s suddenly in agreement with or amenable to my original idea, we drink one surreptitious shot of alcohol from a flask I hide in the powder room. We get very, very drunk. ACTUALLY, it’s pretty amusing. I suggest you try it!” — Jen Selk

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My best feminist family survival tip is this: Get a feminist family. That’s what I have. It works — except family is family, so some things are challenging even with shared political views.” — Sarah Buttenwieser

Lots of eggnog.” — Veronica Arreola

1. Don’t drink Fireball whisky.

2. Be ‘normal.’

3. Must… not… drink…

4. No! Stop talking about politics!

5. OMG. OK, one glass of wine. Right? Just one won’t hurt.

?. Sexuality is a spectrum.

???. Race is a construct.

PRESENTS!” — Allison Smartt

My best feminist holiday tip is to make conversation with your family members about their pets. Everyone loves talking about their animals. Seriously. Get your great-aunt talking about her cat, and there’s much less chance for the conversation to veer into topics that are likely to cause a family blowout over the eggnog.” — Carrie Murphy

Red wine, Christmas cookies and a healthy dose of righteous indignation usually do the trick for me.” — Rachael Berkey

More: Do your clothes pass the ‘feminism test’?

My feminist holiday survival tip? Do whatever the f*** you want. Do not let anyone guilt you into doing anything you do not want to do. Please yo’self!” — Miller Murray Susen

Self-care is important, whatever that looks like to you. But if you don’t care about burning bridges, why not have a little fun with your holiday survival? Hand out “NOPE. WRONG.” cards anytime your dad mansplains, your mom says “all lives matter” or your grandmother tells you to get married before she dies because she can’t live forever; add a cute puppy pic to the “NOPE” card to soften the blow.” — Jennifer Pozner

When preparing to deal with family for the holidays, it is important to remember some basic survival tips. Regarding politics: We have all made the occasional mistake and brought up the Gay Agenda meetings in mixed company. Remember to keep your mind laser handy to remove any memory of your slip-ups. Try not to use it too often, though. Remember what happened to the boss’s Uncle Dwight. Poor bastard only speaks in pig Latin now.

“The food situation at any family gathering is going to be awkward, since we all survive solely on snark and vegan power bars now. Tell your family members that you are trying to slim down now that you have met Mr. Right. They will forgive your lack of eating without giving it a second thought.*

“Remember to give thanks to High Priestess Beyoncé. Mind your p’s and q’s. And make sure you bring at least a side dish so whoever is hosting doesn’t have to do all the cooking.

“*Note: Due to the security breach last week, Bradley Right does not currently have use of his thumbs. Please keep this in mind when bringing your leftovers back to the compound.” — Seraphina Ferraro

Bring up ‘The Patriarchy’ at least three times during the serving of the first course, twice during the meal and five and a half times during dessert.

“Topics of discussion that are acceptable: Jenna Jameson’s new reality show, Hillary Clinton’s fashion sense.

“Foods to make: cookies in the shape of men, heads bitten off before serving.

“Clothing: something feminist, of course.” — Mayim Bialik

I always arrive to a holiday gathering with a bottle of pre-spiked, store-bought eggnog in hand, a device I can use to read the Feminist Internet on in my bag and my dog (with literal bells on) on my hip. These three things come with a 100 percent success rate in making the day a whole lot easier for everyone. Especially the ‘nog.” — Carmen Rios

More: Thanksgiving quotes that will make you feel thankful all year

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