You have to see this hilarious video, Company Is Coming, about a “hyper-competitive stay-at-home mom” running frantically around, trying to get her home up to her own impossible-to-meet standards.
We are all Gayle this holiday season, screaming with fury at our dumb families and dish towels. You can watch the whole video below — and trust us, you need to, because it’s the best thing on Earth right now — but we’ve compiled the best clips and turned them into the holiday prep guide no one asked for.
More: How to get ready for the holidays now
1. Start with completely unreasonable expectations
No one truly believes that your house is always a sparkling masterpiece of Pine-Sol and superior decorating, but no one would ever be rude enough to say so.
2. Anything that interferes with that goal should be lit on fire immediately
There is absolutely nothing more embarrassing than having people come into your home and realize that you actually live there.
3. The only way to make sure your house is acceptable is to ensure that it doesn’t look like your house
Because your house cannot compare to professionally decorated eateries.
4. Don’t forget a battle cry
Hey, experts say that vocalizing your stress diminishes it. Besides, we’re all screaming internally when we vacuum anyway, right?
More: 7 Steps to get your bathroom party-ready for the holidays
5. Don’t forget to do the bathrooms
People will judge you on your bathrooms. They already are.
6. You’re going to need to up your tacky accoutrements game
You’re not ready for your in-laws until it looks like the “resin figurine” section of Hobby Lobby projectile-vomited all over your living room.
7. Finally, don’t forget to fluff the pillows!
There is nothing that’s quite as important as perfectly fluffed pillows. Without them, your entire holiday season will fall apart.
And now, laugh with us!