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Woman’s yeast infection shuts down Planned Parenthood protest

Protesters outside Planned Parenthood clinics run the gamut from annoying to downright scary. This woman may have just discovered the secret to making them disappear: yeast infections.

Mary Numair of Portland, Oregon, is a big fan of Planned Parenthood. Like many women, she’s utilized its services for things like birth control and the treatment of the odd UTI or yeast infection. When she noticed some protesters outside her local clinic, she attempted to talk to them about what they were so verklempt about but was largely ignored.

Well, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right? So Numair whipped up a quick sign, complete with a few vaginas, a little “I love P.P.” doodle and a message: “Dear P.P., Thanks for helping me with my yeast infections!”

More: 10 Ways Planned Parenthood is about more than just abortions

Our brave hero didn’t stop there, of course. She went on to shout the words “yeast infections” over and over again, which, according to her tweet, sent the other protesters scattering. Why do it? Well, she explained to BuzzFeed News that her reasoning was simple: “Planned Parenthood is [a] vital resource for so many people… We have to look beyond the pro-life/pro-choice debate and recognize this organization is out there providing some of the most important care to our sensitive medical needs.”

It’s true! While safe, legal abortion services are of the utmost importance, there’s so much more that Planned Parenthood does. College students and low-income women everywhere have long used its services to get well-checks, Pap smears, breast exams, STI testing… the list goes on and on.

In Numair’s case, they relieved a yeast infection. If you’ve ever had one, you know how real the relief is when it’s finally all over. No wonder she dotted the exclamation point with a little heart!

More: Ask a Raging Feminist: Why I #StandWithPP

It’s hilarious that the protesters scattered. Yeast is, of course, a gnarly word that ranks right up there with “moist” and “panties” on a lot of peoples’ lists of most-hated words, so it’s fun to imagine the rankled pearl clutchers outside the clinic clapping their hands over their ears and begging for the onslaught of the words “yeast infection” to finally, blessedly stop.

It’s also funny — funny effed up, not funny ha-ha, of course — that the folks so intent on climbing up inside women’s vaginas and making a little home there to ensure that nothing enters or leaves without their sanctioned say-so should be uncomfortable at the idea of a little too much yeast overgrowth in the absence of beneficial yeast-eating vaginal bacterium.

More: 25 Celebs who support Planned Parenthood

Seriously, though. If you’re going to be all up in women’s uteri, shouldn’t you be all in?

If you’re going to use the widely debunked, painstakingly paternalistic excuse that you’re just thinking of the poor idiot women who don’t know what’s best for their own health, then you gotta go the distance. Women’s reproductive health encompasses a whole system, not just the part of her body where fully formed babies pop into existence the moment a woman’s husband French kisses her on their wedding night. So many of these protesters purport to be concerned (oh, so very concerned) about women’s health, so it seems a little yeast chatter shouldn’t squick them out to the point of leaving.

Then again, whatever works works, and now we all know how to get these trolls to scatter.

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