You can place a pretty solid bet that people with acne have tried everything. Let me repeat: everything.
I know I have. You name it: cleansers, prescriptions, diets, meditation, injections, pills, vitamins, facials, masks, birth control, lasers — I’ve tried it all. The only thing that really works for me is Proactiv… but not Proactiv Plus, because that makes me break out. Go figure.
In any case, for those of you with crystal clear, bright and glowy skin (that you have no idea how much we envy), please, please, please stop telling us how to win our acne battle. We think it’s super amazing that you believe just one tiny change will totally get rid of our acne forever. But believe me you, our lives are not like Clearasil commercials — and those stupid spot treatments don’t vanish a pimple in 24 hours.
Here are some of our favorites:
1. Just stop eating so many greasy foods
Excuuuse me! Do you realize what you are saying? Not only am I embarrassed that you brought up how bad my face looks, but now you think I eat like a greasy, slimy slob too? Thanks.
2. It’s probably your makeup
Oh, gee. I never thought of that one before. Gosh, I’m so lucky to have a friend as smart and as clever as you!
3. Your hormones must be out of whack
Your hormones are out of whack. Yeah, take that!
4. How many times a day do you wash your face?
Hmmm… let’s see. I wash my face about one to three times a day. How many times a week do you shower? Oh, what’s that? You don’t like being judged about your hygiene? Weird.
5. Have you tried Accutane?
Wow, you just made taking Accutane seem as side-effect-free as eating an ice cream.
6. It’s just stress
You telling me that makes me more stressed, because then I start to think that I really am stressed, and then I get triple stressed, because I don’t know how to de-stress my stress, and I think this stress ball will just keep rolling around in my stressed body forever and…
7. I use this cream and never get acne
Let’s think about this one. Do you think that maybe — just maybe — if your miracle cream worked to cure everyone’s acne that I would know about it already?
8. Do you get enough sleep?
OMG! You figured it out! I don’t get enough sleep because I’m up all night Pinteresting ways to get rid of my spots. Silly me.
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9. You must not be eating enough vitamins and minerals
Again with my diet! Jeez! If I’ve been desperate enough to get injections in my face to calm my acne, then you can be pretty sure that I’ve considered less invasive options — like amping up my intake of multivitamins.
10. My friend stopped eating meat and hasn’t had a pimple since
Been there, done that. Sorry, didn’t work. Thanks for your awful suggestion.
11. You should do yoga
I could do yoga until I move around town like an octopus, but I’m telling you… It. Will. Not. Cure. My. Acne!