Look, I love my dog. As a basic rule of thumb, however, I try not to provide my beloved pet with any lifestyle services that I can’t afford for myself. Translation? If I’m standing over my sink and trimming my bangs with a pair of kitchen shears, my dog is sure as hell not getting salon-quality hair extensions.
Other pet owners across America disagree with my Spartan style of dog rearing and that’s exactly why the following luxury pet services exist. Maybe someday when I upgrade my kitchen shears to real trimming scissors, I’ll feel generous enough to finally give my dog the feather extensions she’s wanted all along.
1. Party planning for pets
Forget that chew toy birthday present for your dog. Owners who really love their pets are willing to throw down a few grand on a catered party with all of their pets’ closest friends. For instance, if you live near Los Angeles, you can call Hollywood Pet Parties to plan the whole event, from appetizers and entrees to themes that include “Cinderella’s Night,” “La Dia de Los Muertos” and “Jewish Dog Wedding.”
2. Fur extensions
Hair extensions aren’t just for humans, ladies and gentlemen. Now you can purchase feather extensions for your pet to add a little bit of color and interest to his or her presentation. Puppylocks, for instance, offers many colorful designs for direct purchase by owner. Alternatively, dog salons across the nation are more than willing to take owners’ money to apply the extensions in their offices. (Condition Couture, $15 and up for the extensions; variable for professional salon application)
3. Personal training
Pet obesity is a real problem in this country, and pet personal training services are here to help. Businesses like Fur Fitness in Southern California market themselves as a solution to pet obesity for owners who are too busy to exercise their pets. For $400, the business will come to an owner’s house to provide diet coaching, exercise plans and personal wellness goals for the pet.
4. In-home personal pet yoga lessons
Now you can share your love of yoga with your pet, if that’s something you’d like to do. Services like Doga Dog out of Florida, which boasts the dubious slogan “Yoga, doggie style,” offers pets and their owners the opportunity to strike a pose together. Even if you’re not in Florida, you can hire the owner of Doga Dog as a personal mentor for under a grand — or be a cheapskate and buy her doggie yoga DVDs. (Doga Dog, $150 for DVDs)
5. Online dating services
Online dating has been nothing short of a disaster in my own life, but maybe pets have better luck with the endeavor. Owners can check out PetsDating.com for the romance their pets need. The site bills itself as “an online community for pet owners who want their pets to enjoy a long, healthy and fulfilling life in the company of another pet.” (Truth be told, anyone can afford this luxury-style service since PetsDating.com is a free site. Still, the anthropomorphism of the whole thing is quite notable.)
6. Pet massage
You aren’t the only one with an aching back and neck, you know. There is actually evidence that pets can reap wonderful benefits from massage therapy, so it’s possible to locate a pet massage therapist in your community. At Paradise Pet Lodge in Washington, for instance, you can purchase an hour-long massage for your pet for $75, which is a full $75 more than I ever budget for my own massages. Priorities.
7. Pet spa services
At Kickapoo Ranch Pet Resort near Houston, Texas, owners can select from a variety of spa services so their pets can truly get away from the stress of daily living. Notable services include aromatherapy sessions, deep conditioning wraps and a “spa pawdicure,” which includes a pet-friendly coat of nail polish. It all sounds simply divine. The cheapest service starts at $25 and goes up quickly from there.