I freaking love summer. Umbrella drinks. Shakes. Flip-flops. Cut-offs. String bikini tops. That immediately break. Because they can’t handle my fun bags. Yeah… summer is glorious. Mostly.
But, I’m having some serious issues with summer fashion and I’m pretty sure all my equally endowed sistas can relate. Sundresses? Bikinis? Ugh. No, thanks!
I love lying back in the sunshine in a cool cotton dress as much as anyone. But when you have big boobs, your inch-and-a-half thick bra straps are poking out underneath those spaghetti straps on that cute summer dress. For better or worse, it really takes a toll on the confidence. Rocking that sundress with big boobs and a supportive bra just isn’t as carefree and pretty as it is for women who can go braless… or at least get away with thinner straps.
The same can be said for bikinis. Praise be to the people working hard to promote bikini wearing rights for all girls, thick or thin. I love it! And, for once, Target gave me some real, supportive and pretty bikini options this year. But it’s not always easy. These DDs aren’t meant to be held up by quarter-inch straps. Yet, when you hit the regular sections of stores, even bathing suits that go up to sizes 16 or 18 come with dental floss straps. It’s a “Dear Seventeen” waiting to happen. My breasts are never going to be contained by those straps. Ever. My default is almost always halter tops. The straps are a little thicker and way more adjustable. I can tie these puppies up practically to my chin. And I feel hot.
…and also a little like I’m doing permanent damage to my neck. But, whatevs. Beauty is pain. Amiright?!
Halters aren’t nearly as torturous as trying to go strapless, though. What vile creature came up with the strapless bra and where can I find them? We need to have a talk. Once I began filling up D cups, strapless bras began to feel like medieval torture devices. Even if the bra never flops over, as dreaded, the weight of larger breasts begins to push down on the underwires so that they dig into your rib cage. It feels terrible and seems virtually impossible to take a deep breath. That can’t be healthy.
Last time I wore a strapless bra to a wedding, I went back to my hotel room before the reception to change into something, anything else. I stood in the bathroom and unhinged the pretty black strapless bra that I bought at a store that specializes in bras for larger chest sizes. I turned slowly in front of the mirror and stared at myself in disbelief of the dark purple line that went all the way around my body. So sexy, right? Let me tell you about how badly I wanted to drag a groomsman back to my room so I could explain the hideous markings on my body all in the name of summertime style.
What’s my point in all this? I have a solution.
Let’s just stop being heinous b****es to ourselves. I’m embracing summer. My big thick bra straps are out and, yeah, I have crazy tan lines. But my breasts are sitting comfortably where I like them. Let’s take back summer, cleavage buddies! Let’s be nice to ourselves and nice to others. And maybe next summer Luke Bryan will sing a song about how cute he thinks it is when my turquoise bra peeks out from under my purple dress.