As the saying goes, if you don’t have something nice to say, say it on a cake. These well-played cakes have hilariously harsh messages you can sink your teeth into.t
If there ever was a time to eat your words, it should be in the form of a dessert smeared in frosting. What I’m gathering from all of these strange cake messages is: The best way to break bad news or to tell someone a harsh truth involves giving him or her a sugary treat, maybe so the bitter pill is easier to swallow.
From a purely scientific angle, it’s interesting to observe that many of these honest cake messages involve an apology. The logic stands that if you’ve done something bad, you might as well try to make it better by giving someone a cake.
If you have something awkward you need to tell someone, get thyself to the grocery store and buy up a whole shelf of Betty Crocker cake mixes — you’re going to need them, especially if you have something really terrible and really specific you need to get off your chest. Take it from these people.
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but…”
1. Congrats on your teen pregnancy
Image: We Know Memes
Because a typical baby shower cake would have been too vague.
2. How are we doing on that Henderson file?
Image: Img Soup
Dammit, Bob, you had one job. Now we all have to eat the delicious fruits of your procrastination.
3. I am gay
If you don’t know how to come out to your nearest and dearest, always, always say it with cupcakes.
4. I’m sorry I blacked out, tried to kill you, and almost got us arrested
Of course, I forgive you for what was inarguably the worst night of my life. Nom nom nom.
5. I’m sorry I’m a grumpy bitch
Image: Pics List
Note to self: Keep this cake in the freezer for the next time I skip lunch and pick a fight with my husband over the right way to wash a dark load of laundry.
6. I think we should see other people
Image: Seriously for Real
No one can freak out and beg you to stay with a mouth full of cake.
7. I want a divorce
If we really want to psychoanalyze this cake message, we could assume this guy is leaving his wife for her sister and wants to tell her in a totally d*ckish way. Or, more likely, this dude wanted to make sure that his soon-to-be ex-wife got a phone message from her sister since he’s probably never going to see her again.
8. Man the f*ck up!
This is the man cold medicine that every whiny husband needs. The OP says, “I was complaining about my recent cold, so my wife made me a cake to help me ‘feel better.'”
9. Nobody loves you
Let’s call this one a rude cake fail for the record books — a mean message with typos aplenty, oh my.
10. Sorry I got semen in your eye
Don’t let it happen again.
11. Sorry I peed in your bed
Image: Cake Wrecks
Just a few years into parenting, and my kids owe me about 100 of these cakes.
12. Sorry I tased you
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a homemade sorry-about-the-taser cake could be worth a thousand apologies.
13. Sorry I’m a sh*t daughter
Image: Cup of Zup
This is exactly what happens when you forget Mother’s Day.
14. Sorry for being basic
This cake should come with every pair of yoga pants sold at Target.
15. Stop liking people that aren’t me
Image: We Heart It
In translation: Wanna go steady?
16. This is an intervention about your drinking problem
Courtesy of Reddit, it’s the ol’ bait and switch: Happy birthday! Just kidding. Let’s talk about your drinking problem.
17. We hope you fail
Image: College Humor
This cake message sums up how every coworker feels any time someone is promoted to a new and better job: Buh-bye! We hope your success gives you an ulcer!
18. You make poor choices when you’re drunk
Image: Img Ace
And this cake should be sold with every bottle of tequila. To soak up the alcohol, of course.
19. You’re fired
Image: Funny Junk
Amber, Cassie and Lisa: A public cake message left in the office break room seemed like the only logical way to break the news. You have until the end of the day to clear your desks.
20. You’re old and have a small penis
Happy birthday? Happy retirement? Does it even matter anymore?
21. Y u no propose?
Image: Pop Hangover
She wasted three years of her life on you, and she baked you a cake? Put a ring on it already!