Job advert for Glasgow diner is brutally honest and totally brilliant

May 25, 2015 at 12:25 p.m. ET
Image: HUNG KUO CHUN/iStock/Getty Images Plus

If you're a budding chef looking for a job in Glasgow, you might be interested in working in a kitchen the size of a closet. Doesn't appeal? How about the "s**t money" you could earn? Still no?

It's the most honest job advert we've ever seen. Michigan-born restauranteur Justin Valmassoi is setting up an American-style diner and he's certainly not making any false promises.

According to his advert, published on Gumtree, Valmassoi is looking for a colleague who is "fast, progressive, and not a total pr**k" and warns potential applicants that he won't be impressed with anyone who thinks a "good sandwich is a tuna mayo like your gran makes."

Generic CV statements are also a big no-no: "If you have one that says you're a 'hard-working team player that can also function well alone' and that you 'value customer service and punctuality' I will stab myself in the face with a pencil and nobody will get a job," he writes.

He didn't beat around the bush when it came to salary either: "There's no money. There's £7/hr and some tips, 25–35 hours a week. Deal with it. I'm working 60 hours for half that."

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The ad continues: "I don't care if you're super outgoing or actually mute. I don't care if you've got tattoos. I don't care if you only work in kitchens to get away from your horrible significant other. I don't care about anything other than that you're fast enough not to be in the weeds constantly and you want to be part of something genuine and good. What you cannot do is be a pain in my balls because my life savings is on the line and I have to work with my wife all day so I don't have time for any primadonna bulls**t."

The advert ends: "If you think I sound like an obnoxious d**khead, congratulations. You are observant and will go far in life. Don't let it discourage you, though. I'm only a d**khead for the first three years you know me. After that I'm a total sweetheart."

Valmassoi has already received more than 150 applications for the job at his restaurant Something, which he plans to open in Glasgow on July 1. After his Gumtree ad went viral he was interviewed by a local news team and has received a huge amount of praise on social media, to which he responded: 


We really, really want to hear from whoever is lucky enough to get this job.

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