Being short comes with its own special assortment of “this is your life” moments tall people just don’t understand. If you’re short, you’ll totally understand where we are coming from here, and if not… welcome to our world!
1. Glass jars don’t belong on the top shelf
Dear grocery store managers: Short people eat pickles, too. If we want to reach them, we have to wait patiently for (or go stalk) a tall person or worse, stand in our shopping carts. Or we can just use the packet of spaghetti we got on aisle five to scootch it toward the edge until it tips off into our hopefully adept tiny little hands.
2. Concerts may as well be the radio
With the sea of tall people in front of us and your rules about sitting on people’s shoulders, we may as well just save the few hundred bucks those tickets cost and wait until HBO airs it.
3. Conan O’Brien is just as hot as Alexander Skarsgård
Any man who’s tall enough to dust the fan blades on a vaulted ceiling with nothing but a Swiffer Extender is a 10 in my book.
4. Car manufacturers have it out for us
If it’s not the steering wheel semi-obstructing your view, the seat doesn’t quite go up far enough.
5. Step stools are necessary kitchen equipment
Kitchen cabinets weren’t made for anyone under 5-foot-5 — it’s just a fact.
6. Shopping for jeans is just insulting
I don’t know what’s worse — having to ask for a petite when you’re a size 12 or flipping through the rack endlessly for one of the two size “shorts” they have in your size. Oh, and can we discuss how they always put the short sizes on the top shelves of the jean walls?
7. On the bonus side, you always know a good tailor
Because even if you can find a short size, that doesn’t mean it’s not going to be 2 inches too long.
8. Dating can be awkward
When your main squeeze is a foot or more taller than you, normal couple things like holding hands and kissing look just as awkward as they feel.
9. Your feet never quite seem to touch the floor when seated
It’s hard not to feel like a 6-year-old when your feet dangle when you sit — it’s especially humiliating at a business meeting when your pumps fall off and clack on the floor.
10. Gynecologist appointments can get weirder
It starts when you walk into the room and still need that ridiculous pullout stool to get up on the table. But it doesn’t end there. There’s always that awkward two minutes where your legs are splayed trying to reach the stirrups and the doctor fumbles trying to get them into a position where your feet can reach. Who are her other clients, anyway? Amazons?
11. Strappy shirts (and even bras) come with their own special problems
When your torso is short, bra straps on the shortest setting still slide off, which means special bras. Overalls are supposed to be back this spring, too. Pro tip: If you cross them in the back, they won’t spend most of their time around your elbows.
12. Bar stools and large trucks are your nemeses
Like regular chairs aren’t bad enough, trying to get on or off a bar stool or in or out of a big truck (especially in a skirt) is just never going to be as graceful as you’d like it to be.
13. The old “human armrest” gag
Yeah, guys. If you lean on my head, I make a perfect standing armrest. Hilarious. Never heard that one before.
14. Average and tall people: I’m a human, not a pocket gnome
“You make me feel so tall!” Glad I could help. While I’m at it, I’m not a munchkin, a hobbit or fun size, either.
15. Being small isn’t bad at all