If your standard bra is like “boob jail,” to quote Zooey Deschanel’s character on New Girl, then strapless bras are the guillotine.
They never fit correctly. They leave weird red marks below our breasts. And they can barely do the one job they’ve been assigned, judging by the number of times we have to lift our bosoms up while wearing that darling strapless sundress.
So, why do we keep coming back to the torture device known as the strapless bra when our relationship with it is clearly an unhealthy one in which we get so little back for our loyalty? Well, sadly, unless you have perfectly perky breasts that can actually stand up using adhesive body bra tape (and if you do, why aren’t you just letting it all hang out?) women haven’t been given many other options.
Here are seven of the many challenges we face when trying to shop for or go about our merry way while wearing a strapless bra.
1. They never come in sizes larger than a D
And, if you have large breasts, you will never find one that actually minimizes your bust size because you need straps for that. Don’t even try complaining to your small-breasted friends, who will roll their eyes and tell you how lucky you are to have such “problems.”
2. Once you finally buy one, you realize it doesn’t even work
You spend no less than $40 on a strapless bra only to realize it doesn’t dip low enough for your sexy low-back strapless dress.
3. Of course, there’s always a corset-style strapless bra if you need more support
If you want to relive a day in the horrifically uncomfortable life of a woman from 1754.
4. Getting push-up support is nearly impossible
Thankfully, there are push-up strapless bras, but compared to traditional push-up bras, they fall a little flat.
5. And there’s that whole uniboob problem thanks to strapless bralettes
That moment of horror when you get home from a hasty shopping trip and discover you accidentally purchased a bandeau bra that will make you look like you have a “uniboob.”
6. Dancing in a strapless bra requires extra training
This is what it’s like to try and dance while wearing a strapless bra that slips every time you lift your arms.
7. Finally, you decide to try a convertible bra to get more bras in one
You figure it will do the job of four different bras, but when you get it home, you can’t make heads or tails of where one strap begins and another ends.
Proof that the strapless bra is a modern-day torture device.