“He’s not coming, what do you mean he’s not coming?”
Every girl who’s ever watched Sex and the City where Big gets cold feet, and leaves Carrie Bradshaw standing in her wedding dress, gets a little misty eyed. It’s the kind of experience you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. Unfortunately, it doesn’t just happen in Hollywood blockbuster movies. Your wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life but what happens if he doesn’t show up or instead of declaring “I do!”, whispers “I can’t do this”?
Jilted! What to do
and how to survive
Inform your guests
No-one expects you to stand up at the front of the church and announce the wedding is off. In the event of a cancellation, let a family member break the news. Often guests will have travelled a long way so it’s common courtesy to extend an invitation to still attend the reception. The food is already paid for and will just go to waste. You won’t be expected to attend, but it is probably better for you to be surrounded by friends and family who care for you rather than sitting on your bed listening to breakup songs and cutting up his clothes with scissors.
Who keeps the ring?
If it’s a family heirloom then it’s probably best to return it to the family, however, there is no law saying you have to return an engagement ring as it is considered to be a gift. Rather than stupidly throw it back at your ex-fiance, head down to your local Cash Converters and hock it. After all, do you really want a reminder of the commitment-phobe? Spend the extra cash on a shopping spree.
Return the gifts
Wedding etiquette is to return any presents to the gift givers and this includes unused engagement and hen’s night presents. This task can be organised by your bridal party. An announcement can be made for guests to collect their presents from the gift table rather than having to individually hand them back. If the wedding is postponed prior to the day, include a handwritten note. You are not obliged to give a reason why the wedding was cancelled.
Demand an explanation from your ex
Even if his excuse is something pathetic like “I just couldn’t go through with it,” at least you will know rather than spending hours trying to over-analyse why. You might still love him and want to work things out, but you won’t be doing yourself any favours by agreeing to rewind the relationship back to just dating. Don’t make any major decision about your future until you’ve had time to get over the shock of what’s happened.
Don’t cancel your honeymoon
A holiday could be just the thing you need to clear your head and get away from friends and family who give you those sympathetic looks and ask annoying questions like “Are you okay?” Don’t let good tickets go to waste, especially if they are non-transferrable. Inform your ex-fiance of your intentions — given he’s just broken your heart, he’s hardly likely to put up a fight. If you’ve been living together, it will also give him time to find somewhere else to live.
While spray painting his car with the word “loser” and chopping all his Armani suits into a billion pieces sounds very satisfying, the best revenge is to live a full and happy life and stay close friends with his family — that way he gets a regular update on how happy you are without him.
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Most wedding insurance policies do not cover a change of heart. Make sure you read the fine print if you’re only signing the dotted line in case he leaves you at the altar.