If you’re throwing a Super Bowl party this year, you undoubtedly want to score points with friends for throwing a killer bash. So allow us to help — let these hilariously bad party fails be a cautionary tale for your own fete.
1. I hope they got a credit
It’s hard to have a Super Bowl party without the actual Super Bowl. Make sure your cable provider is up to snuff, lest you wind up watching reruns of Desperate Housewives instead.
2. Don’t be this guy
Don’t forget the two most important rules of hosting a Super Bowl party: Friends don’t let friends drink and drive, and friends don’t let friends drink and get tattoos. Especially when said tattoo is of the “winning” team… that doesn’t wind up winning.
3. No use crying over spilled nachos
Oh, man, that’s the worst. It would be wrong to want to scrape up the buffalo cheesy goodness off the door, no?
4. Clarification never hurt anyone
I mean, I don’t know what everyone is so bummed out about. I think a bowling party sounds like a blast. Still, maybe make sure the “bowl” party you are headed to involves actual football.
5. Ain’t no party like a tiny grill party
‘Cause a tiny grill party don’t stop. Well, at least not until the seven chunks of charcoal that fit inside of it burn out. I don’t think it’s any coincidence this is a party of one.
6. I think this classifies as a fumble
You know, as long as they taste good, this party could still be redeemed. But, for future reference, maybe have a standby roll of premade cookie dough in the fridge. You know, just in case.
7. Maybe don’t get quite so fired up
It’s one thing to be on fire for your team; it’s another thing to literally be on fire, guys. If your Super Bowl party includes tailgating of any kind, let’s practice fire safety, mmmkay?
8. Call the exterminator, bro
Aw, jeez! Nothing can ruin a Super Bowl party faster or more efficiently than party-crashing cockroaches. Essh. Blech.
9. There are so many things wrong with this setup, we can’t even…
The little grill… the tiny wooden tray table now charred beyond recognition… the fact that it looks like they could be in the CVS parking lot. It’s time to step up your game, folks.
10. It ain’t easy being cheesy
If your mozzarella sticks more closely resemble molten ice cream sandwiches than anything Italian or edible, chances are you should just bite the bullet and call a caterer for your Super Bowl party.
11. On the other hand…
Even if your fried food does look exactly like it is supposed to, you may still need to call a caterer. If your appetizers could block the arteries in an elephant, pursue Plan B. I repeat — avert, avert.
12. Mental note No. 1: chairs
Whether you are throwing your party in a parking lot or in your living room, a good rule of thumb is, um, furniture. Make sure you and your guests actually have somewhere soft to park your tushes for kickoff.
13. Well, that’s unfortunate
On the plus side, she won’t have to worry about buying an air freshener for her car for quite some time. Who doesn’t love the smell of chili in the morning?