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Woman sues hosiery company because her tights lacked good vibrations

A woman from Queens, New York, is reportedly suing a hosiery company named Kushyfoot after she says she bought a pair of its socks that hasn’t lived up to its promise of incorporating the “ancient healing art of Reflexology in its products.”

Now, the reason behind Meng Wang’s lawsuit has come to take on different meanings for different people. Some believe she’s pissed off because she tried on the socks, which she purchased for $8 at a Duane Reade pharmacy, and they failed to provide an instant leg massage that would keep the blood moving through her legs.

Others, like the New York Post, suggest she’s just bitter because Kushyfoot, which, judging by its sexy ads, promotes its brand to women who may be looking to increase their sexual desirability (when they’re not just trying to buy a pair of goddamn socks because it’s 20 degrees outside and feet get cold) and hinted at the possibility that its product would give her an orgasm, and apparently: it was a big “no” for the big “O.”
A bit of a stretch, I would say.

Like millions of people, this woman likely suffers from foot pain and discomfort and was looking for something to help. After all, there are pantyhose that do aid with circulation, as flight attendants and airline workers (who are on their poor feet all day) will tell you. The difference is: They cost about $90.

Most of us have been taught at a very young age not to believe everything — um anything? — that we read on the labels of products that promise us youth, supreme beauty or immense pleasure. Unless you’re ingesting a highly illegal substance (and we’re not suggesting you do this) you are one hopeless romantic to believe the makers of a product that costs less than a Venti at Starbucks are in the business of delivering you a quality orgasm or even a tiny sliver of foot comfort. There’s a better chance you’ll strike vagina gold while sipping that Caramel Latte.

I would seriously hate to see what this woman’s medicine cabinet looks like.

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