FAIL Of The Week: When Elf on the Shelf gets awkward
We're halfway through December, and you know what that means — Elf on the Shelf shenanigans are in full swing. But sometimes, well, inappropriate
parents elves take things a little too far. These 37 naughty elves are not Santa approved.
1. This can't be hygienic
Quincy the Elf better hope no one takes a middle-of-the-night potty break and forgets to turn on the light before letting it go.
2. Beware of the zombie elf-pocalypse
In case the weird elf that moves around in the night doesn't creep your kid out, you can always have it being stalked by a walking dead doll.
3. This gives new meaning to the north "pole"
Elf Chrissy Snow moonlights as an elf-xotic dancer when she isn't scaring the crap out of children.
4. On Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and... venison?
This Texan elf is a gun-totin' member of the NRA, which we somehow imagine might not sit well with the Rudolph-loving children of the house.
5. Ho-ho-Homer is in the house
If the company this Elf on the Shelf keeps is Homer Simpson and a bottle of whiskey, we're pretty sure he is headed straight for Santa's naughty list.
6. Chug, chug, chug... wait, what?
This lush little elf enlisted two tropical Barbies to help him with a little binge drinking.
7. Well, this is awkward
"You can't expect him to live forever with his sister and the nipple-twisting that goes on there."
8. This is what happens to an elf who is an Oilers fan
Oh, Hudson, you can't hit the Crown every time the Oilers lose. That'll earn you a one-way ticket to Elf-aholics Anonymous.
9. We knew there was a flaw in this plan
Seriously, who thought this would work out well?
10. This message is brought to you by Nicki Minaj
We're not even sure what's going on here, but we're fairly certain it involves an elf, a Barbie orgy and some possible butt implants.
11. Tsk, tsk, tsk
Clearly, no one told Carlos that you can catch cellulitis by using improperly sanitized hot tubs.
12. The most interspecies game of spin the bottle, ever
The logistics here are kind of confusing, but still... Eeyore seems relieved they aren't playing pin the tail on the donkey.
13. Somebody get this elf a gastroenterologist, stat
Fireball really did have some tummy issues. Perhaps he's lactose intolerant.
14. Got milk?
Apparently if an Elf on the Shelf uses a breast pump, the byproduct is peppermint. Who knew?
15. Um, eww
These parents clearly do not share our irrational germ phobias or gag reflex — we may never eat another chocolate chip again.
16. An elf after our own hearts
While this elf is entirely inappropriate for the under 21 set, we sure do feel like we've found a kindred spirit in the little guy.
We're not experts, but this festive fellow appears to be a direct descendant of the piñata.
18. Santa's homicidal little helper
Are we seeing this right? Is this elf murdering his marshmallow friends? How are the parents going to explain this diabolical peep show?
19. We feel ya, girlie
We're not sure what's more disturbing — that the parents want their little girl to take a picture with an elf while it poops or that they don't think it might be a bit confusing for their daughter to see them pick up poop and eat it. At least she has her priorities straight.
20. Potty humor gone awry
Aside from the privacy issues arising out of spying on poor Star while she poops, we're pretty sure the fact that her "peppermint patties" melted may be a cause for alarm.
21. Poor Bob
If an elf loses his magic when the kids touch him, what happens when the dog tries to decapitate him?
22. You are so not funny, Ruby the Elf
Ruby the Elf should give a little more consideration about where the kid of the house's loyalty lies before she stages an elaborate — and apparently heartbreaking — prank.
23. Option D: This elf business is for the birds
Oh, to set a precedence for disappointment at such a young age... Nothing like failing to meet your kids' expectations and crushing their little dreams to kick off the holidays.
24. A different kind of Christmas package
This is one present that was not crafted in Santa's workshop, that's for sure.
25. Mr. Tinsel Cane is the stuff nightmares are made of
Who has time for cutesy notes about how Santa's watching? These parents went for the terror factor with thinly veiled threats from their inappropriate elf.
26. Elves gone wild
Visions of sugar plums are certainly dancing through this elf's head.
27. When Santa's away, the elves will play
Well, Christmas tree lights do have an alluring glow about them. Elves need love too, right? Still, these parents better be ready to have the birds-and-bees talk on Christmas morning.
28. We're guessing her name is Candy
Points to the naughty parents who devised this R-rated vignette in a way that somehow manages to make objects as mundane as a paper towel holder and a candy cane feel seedy.
29. The Barbie-mobile has been defiled
In this crime of passion, Barbie is totally complicit. Next year, they may need to borrow the nativity manger for a forthcoming bundle of Barbie-elvish joy.
30. He who holds the squirt gun is guilty
Bratz... Barbie... Tinkerbell? Say it isn't so!
31. Someone's going to be angry in the morning
Uh-oh. This naughty little Elf on the Shelf got shave-happy with a set of clippers, and it might earn him a one-way ticket back to the North Pole.
32. Too much?
Christmas is a time for R and R. Unless you ask this Christian Grey wannabe elf. If you ask Charlie, Christmas is a time for S and M.
33. Ruby's got 'tude
And, well, Ruby's 'tude has turned into poo. In a shoe.
34. Someone's been watching too much Dexter
Creepy? Yes. Overboard? Probably. But, admittedly, we've gotta give these parents props for attention to detail in staging Sir Elfington's shenanigans.
35. Break the internet
Cheecha the Elf beefed up the holiday spirit this year in true Kim Kardashian fashion.
36. For those who don't enjoy sleep
Because, seriously, can you imagine trying to get any shut-eye with this creepy little guy around?
37. This could derail potty training, for sure
If the parent in charge of this elf's goal was to scare the shit out of everyone, we'd say mission accomplished.