Christmas party confessions

Everybody has an embarrassing Christmas story. Some of us have blocked them from our memories, as the humiliation is just too much to bear. We asked our readers to share some of their most cringe-worthy Christmas moments, and they agreed on the provision they not be named and shamed. So sit back, and prepare to laugh. Maybe you’ll be inspired to share your embarrassing stories too.

Woman with a Christmas secret |

Too much free alcohol

Every Christmas, my boss puts on a big party for all the employees. You know the kind — where the alcohol is free and although food is provided, you don’t eat so you get drunk faster. After a few drinks (isn’t that always the way?), my work colleague and I decided it would be funny to photocopy our body parts. We started out with our hands. It then progressed to our faces, with licking the glass screen. I got the bright idea that we should photocopy our butts. Just as I was climbing to sit on the machine, in walks my boss. I could have died! He didn’t say anything. He backed out the door, and it was never mentioned again.

— Anna, 27

First impressions

It was the first time I’d been invited to my boyfriend’s place for Christmas. We’d only been dating for about three months, so I was really nervous. Before we even left to visit, I had a glass or two of wine. I normally don’t drink, but I’ve seen movies where they drink to steady their nerves. When we arrived at his parents’, I felt like I’d had an entire bottle of wine. I started feeling really awful and had to rush to throw up before we’d been introduced. The relationship didn’t last very long after that. He gave me the “I think we should see other people” after New Year’s Eve.

— Jennifer, 32

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Not the dog’s toy

Normally my husband and I go to his mother’s place for Christmas, but for some reason I decided I should offer to host the traditional Christmas dinner at our house. I was so organized. Everything was perfect! We were about to start eating, when there was a weird buzzing noise coming from under the table. The kids were the first to stick their heads under the table, and my youngest yells, “Rodger (that’s our chocolate Lab) has a buzzy bone!” Trying not to turn 50 shades of red, I retrieved my vibrator from the dog and tried to pretend it was some new dog toy. My husband still teases me about it five years later.

— Hailey, 37

I dare you

At work, we had a list of office dares. You get points for completing different dares based on how embarrassing they are. One of the dares was to go into the bathroom and make flatulence noises and groan while an unsuspecting work colleague was in a cubicle. You had to have a witness to get the points. At the end-of-year Christmas work party, I decided it was time to complete the bathroom dare. We burst into the bathroom and ran into the first open cubicle — only my supervisor was sitting there with her underwear around her ankles. She hadn’t locked the door properly. We practically collapsed laughing.

— Chynna, 22

Biggest bum

I was working in Sydney, Australia, for a couple of years while travelling. The boss at the restaurant where I was a waitress put [out] Christmas drinks for us, but who wants to party where they work? So after our free drinks, a few of us decided to go clubbing. My friend drove a bright yellow Mini that we called Big Bird. It was tiny, and there were six of us trying to squeeze in. They asked me to get in the back because we were dropping one of the girls home first. My bum is quite big, so after a few attempts to squeeze past the front seat, I managed to get into the back seat, but I hurt my back and my hip in the process. The real problem came when it was time to get out. No matter how hard I tried, I could get my head out of the door, but I just couldn’t seem to get my bum out. The seat was as far forward as it could go, and I still couldn’t get out. The more I tried, the more frustrated and embarrassed I got. Everyone was laughing, and in the end, [one] of the girls was pushing me from behind. They handed me the keys and told me to come join them when I got out.

— Amber, 24

That’s my husband

I had always really liked one of the guys in my office. He didn’t wear a wedding ring and never said much about his personal life, but we used to flirt. At the work Christmas party, I got extremely drunk on cheap wine. I ended up confessing how much I was in love with him, that we’d make beautiful babies, and made him dance with me. I could hear myself confessing all my feelings, but I just couldn’t shut my mouth. We were all over each other when my supervisor came up to me and said, “Do you mind not mauling my husband?” I thought she was joking, so [I] just ignored her. On Monday morning, there was an email asking me to see her in her office when I got to work. I just grabbed my personal stuff and never went back.

— Charlotte, 29

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No more singing

I consider myself a karaoke queen. I love it. Give me a few drinks, and I’ll get hold of the microphone and won’t let anyone else have a turn. At one particular Christmas party — a dinner cruise in Vancouver — there was a karaoke machine. Everyone, aside from me, was too shy to sing, so I thought I’d get the party started with a rendition of Bryan Adams’ “Everything I Do [I Do It for You].” Everyone cheered, and I guess that’s when I decided no one else was getting the microphone. I have a hazy recollection of being asked to give it a rest during a lively version of “It’s Raining Men.” My work friends tell me the paddleboat returned to the pier to let me off, and then everyone else continued with their Christmas party.

— Nerida, 41

Is that poop?

The first Christmas I celebrated with Steve’s family, I was a little surprised to find everyone so giving. First of all, I had no idea there was even an Aunt Beth and here she is, giving me a gift. I open it graciously and it was an old fashioned tin candle holder with holiday evergreen and berries on it. “Thank you so much, Aunt Beth! And by the way, very nice meeting you for the first time.” Then we go in for the awkward hug. We get home and I am unloading and putting away our Christmas treasures. I go to fold a gift bag and something falls out and rolls across the floor. As I look, I gasp. What is that? It looked like a turd I yelled “Steve, there is a turd on the floor” He goes in for inspection, closely. We are both in disbelief of how could there possibly be a turd in our Christmas gifts. How could this have happened? Did a raccoon get in the car and leave a present in our presents?

Finally, Steve says, “This isn’t poop. It’s a candle.”
WHAT???? Why would someone give me a poop candle!? That is a horrible gift! Then it dawns on me, Aunt Beth’s old fashion candle tin, was missing a candle, but a poop candle?! Our family has quite a sense of humor, and with Aunt Beth’s gift of the Poop Candle, the tradition of “Passing the Poop Candle” began. It’s been over 10 years, and every year, someone receives the poop candle. Usually wrapped up in beautiful wrapping and bows. It is still a surprise.

P.S. This has been kept in the “immediate” family. To this day, Aunt Beth has no idea her lovely gift was ridiculed.

— Emma, 35

More on Christmas

How to survive Christmas with a dysfunctional family
A Christmas apart: How to cope
What not to give your partner this Christmas


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