25 Thanksgiving FAILS we're totally thankful for
Thanksgiving is a time filled with family, fellowship and lots o' food. And, if you're these unfortunate souls, legendarily major (and hilarious) mistakes.
1. Maybe it's a special order turkey
Photo credit: laurenmasa/Instagram
If this isn't just the definition of half-a**ing it, we don't know what it is.
2. The holidays are hard on Grandma
At Christmas, Grandma gets run over with a reindeer. At Thanksgiving, she apparently gets turned into "Granberry sauce." Perhaps she should sit tight on Easter.
3. They're doing something really right, or really wrong
"Wait, I remember now! It's bread we're supposed to break, guys — bread."
4. Order up!
Photo credit: nikkihartle/Instagram
Did anybody order a
molten lavasweet potato pie? Anyone? Anyone?
5. Those who can't brine... bake?
Maybe the cake inside tastes like gravy. Mmm, gravy cake shaped like a turkey.
6. It's not a party until somebody gets sick
We're not sure what's more disconcerting — that this poor family's Thanksgiving was punctuated by vomit, or that Dad has a fake severed hand just lying around. Guess he likes to keep it, ahem, handy.
7. The only time we'd turn down chocolate
Some traditionalists might argue that a chocolate fountain doesn't belong on a Thanksgiving dessert table. And some — nay, everyone — would agree this gloopy, poopy, chocolate slug fountain definitely doesn't belong on any table anywhere. (Aside: Dude, you ate that?)
8. You might be a redneck if...
Photo credit: youcancallmemadprofessor/Instagram
Move over, Stouffer's! There's a new stuffing in town. Eating it may cause you to sprout a mullet and sport a flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off, though.
9. Is this some sort of punishment?
Photo credit: annabananale/Instagram
If you're bad before Christmas, Santa brings you a lump of coal. If you're bad before Thanksgiving, someone gives you a lump of turkey that looks like the love child of a blackened lung and an asteroid.
10. We can't even
For the record, we aren't totally convinced that isn't the head of one of those creepy horse things from Harry Potter.
11. Wrestlers heart Thanksgiving
GIF credit: Giphy.com
Now, here's a guy who can appreciate some fine White Castle stuffing.
12. Yeah, no... it's definitely done
Photo credit: ambergetfitcarniello/Instagram
If your turkey is hot enough to melt your meat thermometer, it might be time to break out the take-out menus and order some Moo Goo Gai Pan.
13. Say it with me: spell check
Photo credit: theryanpatrick/Instagram
If Trader Joe's had actually spelled gobble, gobble correctly, where would that have put the turkey's cute little eyes? We all make sacrifices.
14. I'll take a breast piece
Er, um, well... somebody get this bird a training bra. Turkey nipple should never be on the menu.
15. "Thanksgiving is ruined"
What's that you say? You're really not even hungry for turkey? Oh, good... 'cause we're not having turkey. We can't pry this 22-lb carcass off the grill. If you'd never seen a melted turkey, you have now.
Photo credit: _shelbyjo_/Instagram
Aw, poor guy. Here's a neat trick that might help with your next holiday mishap — just scrape all the filling back in the pan and cover with whipped cream. Voila! It can be our little secret.
17. Proof a pre-Thanksgiving fire safety refresher is a fine idea
Photo credit: kerstyyy/Instagram
It's uncharacteristically warm for this time of year. Oh, wait, no... Mom just caught the dining room table on fire again. How does one catch the dining room table on fire, exactly?
18. Just call her To-Fergie
We don't know what this chick's problem is. Her mom sounds awesome.
19. This can't be sanitary
GIF credit: Giphy.com
Somebody get this poor girl some real cranberry sauce — you know, the kind that doesn't remain in its perfectly cylindrical (with ridges, no less) shape long after being released from a can.
20. Then again...
Photo credit: melmcal/Instagram
Or maybe someone in Honey Boo Boo's life tried to feed her "homemade cranberry sauce" that looked like this. And by this, we totally mean cigarette and tar soup.
21. New rule: Remove all jewelry before entering the kitchen
We're a little afraid to ask how they got it back.
22. That's one fresh turkey
At least the store who got this decorative singing turkey's "chip" mixed up replaced all of the, ahem, defective birds. Which begs the question: Does that mean people actually buy naughty singing Santas?
23. I'll bring the mac 'n' cheese, you said
Photo credit: kool_b_76/Instagram
It'll be great, you said. It's my mom's recipe, you said. Girl, this is bootleg — it literally looks like it fell off the back of a truck.
24. Pecan pie with a bite
Photo credit: nurserachel23/Instagram
We're almost wholly certain that this pecan pie has been bitten by a zombie and is on the precipice of starting an all-out zombie pie apocalypse.
25. We're not sure this qualifies as saving the best for last
Sorry, @AveryMedinis... despite your shaky assurance that this is not, in fact, tie-dye diarrhea, we're still not eating it. No way, no how.