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12 Women way sexier than the sexy Halloween costumes they inspire

The only thing these sexy costumes have in common is that they make no sense.

Oh yeah, and that real women pull off each look so much better in real life. Can I get an “amen” for the brave and beautiful women who are wildly talented, too?

1. Come-hither cowgirl

Come-hither cowgirl

Photo credit: Robert Alexander/Archive photo/Getty images

Leopard print seems out of place in the Wild West, and the cut-out chaps look responsible for some chafing. Why not look to a real cowgirl, like famed historic cowgirl Mabel Strickland or any other bad-ass cowgirl? (iFashion Warehouse, $87)

2. Desirable nun

Desirable nun

Photo credit: Ian Tyas/Hulton archive/Getty images

Nothing says religious devotion quite like pleather. Gotta say, Mother Teresa — who famously cared for the poor and dying — is a little more convincing. (, $43)

3. Smoking hot firefighter

Smoking hot firefighter

Photo credit: Adam Berry/Getty Images News/Getty images

She’s hot, but that cut-out top is sure to provide some ventilation, thank goodness. You know who doesn’t need a vent for polyester, though? Any of the nearly 7,000 female firefighters in America. (Amazon, $23)

4. Tantalizing Arabian girl

Tantalizing Arabian girl

Photo credit: William Thomas Cain/Getty Images News/Getty images

Let’s try to forget that this costume is horrifyingly racist, and go with the fact that women in the Middle East and Central Asia have fought in earnest for women and girls to have rights. If you must channel this part of the world, look to Nobel Prize winner Malala Yousafzai for inspiration. (Ali Express, $15)

5. Sexy minion

Sexy minion

Photo credit: Jesse Grant/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty images

For the love if minions, has anyone even seen the movie? Kevin? Jerry? Not sexual, animated or not. Brenda Chapman, however, was the first woman to direct an animated movie from a major studio when she directed the movie Brave. Groundbreaking and beautiful, obviously. (Yandy, $60)

6. Naughty nurse

Naughty nurse

Photo credit: Pool/Getty Images News/Getty images

Those fishnet stockings should come in handy when putting in a catheter or administering vaccines. Seriously, though, brave nurses like Nina Pham have recently made headlines for providing compassionate care in life’s darkest hours. (Amazon, $32)

7. Provocative prisoner

Provocative prisoner

Photo credit: JP Yim/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty images

Girlfriend didn’t get the memo that horizontal stripes are a no-no. After watching Orange is the New Black, which is based on the true story of Piper Kerman’s life as an inmate, I think I’d want more coverage in prison anyway. (Amazon, $17)

8. Sultry kitten

Sultry kitten

Photo credit:

This kitten is probably angry because her tail looks like poop. But you know what real grown-ups are doing when they dress as cats? Performing in a Broadway rendition of Cats. (, $18)

9. Sizzling SWAT officer

Sizzling SWAT officer

Photo credit: Andrew Burton/Getty Images News/Getty images

Sad news, but the plastic buckles probably won’t hold this mini-dress in place whilst storming a criminal lair. No matter, because the real SWAT officers probably don’t want her and her side ponytail there, anyway. (Amazon, $26)

10. Alluring trooper

Alluring trooper

Photo credit: Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty images

OK, I kind of love this costume, but will still firmly say ‘no.’ Instead, I’ll send my thoughts to Major Lauren Edwards, who bravely led more than 150 Marines in defensive maneuvers in Iraq, and other women like Tatiana Maldonado who are among the six percent of female Marines. (Amazon, $30)

11. Scintillating teacher

Scintillating teacher

Photo credit: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images News/Getty images

At least those glasses make her look smart, though. Sadly, she’s not very smart if she’s hitting on teenagers in detention. But you know who is smart? Erin Gruwell, who wrote the book Freedom Writers based on her experiences teaching disadvantaged youth. (Amazon, $57)

12. Racy mermaid

Racy mermaid

Photo credit: Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty images

For one thing, this costume is a terrible Photoshop fail. For another, mermaids have never done anything for society. Alexandra Cousteau, however, is an environmentalist who advocates for the health of our oceans. So, she’s practically a mermaid. (Yandy, $200)

And two extras just to drive our point home…

Adorable schoolgirl

Adorable schoolgirl

Photo credit: Kolett/Moment/Getty images

She’s as adorable as a Bratz doll. But definitely not as adorable as your daughter, who is an actual real-life girl who goes to school. (Ali Express, $15)

Cuddly baby

Cuddly baby

Photo credit: Monashee Alonso/Caiaimage/Getty images

In real life, a cuddly baby looks like a cuddly baby. If you don’t want to be some dude’s disturbing fetish, this costume needs to go. (Yandy, $60)

And on that note, Happy Halloween! Now get out there and embrace some feminism.

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