We’ve mined the strange world of Reddit to bring you these real-life mortifying stories that women have endured.
From breastfeeding to public exposure
We all know that taking your kids to the grocery store is asking for trouble, but Reddit user Carlinha1289 apparently hadn’t received the memo. She brought her 1-year-old and infant to the store, and everything was going fine until they hit the checkout. “My husband was at the cash registry and I took my son whom was getting pretty impatient and told him to hold my hand,” she explained. At that point, her infant decided it was time to nurse, so Carlinha took her breast out of her bra to discreetly nurse the little one. “I let go of my son’s hand and take [out] my breast. Meanwhile, my son decides to run out of the store and I swear that every single door just opened like magic for him to go and run lose [sic] into the parking lot.”
Her solution? “So screw the breast, I left it out and start running after him… while [my] breast is exposed and flopping in every single direction.” There were a lot of stares, but her son was OK.
If farts make you giggle…
Labor and delivery is just asking for mortification, but Reddit user Yummy_mummy tried to prevent embarrassment. “I was determined not to have a bowel movement and did an enema to prevent that from happening,” she said. A creative solution, but it backfired. “It did clean me out, but it caused the worst gas I’ve ever had in my life.”
She thought her gas was gone by the time it came to push, though, so she was ready to bear down hard for her baby’s delivery. “My doctor timed the contractions and let me know when it was time for a good push. I pushed with all my might and ripped the biggest, longest fart right in his face. It literally blew his hair back.”
Is breast milk considered a tip?
Anemone and her husband were enjoying a dinner at a nice, quiet Italian restaurant when her 6-month-old was ready to nurse. “I had tucked him under my sweater so that no one could see that he was breastfeeding,” Anemone explained. However, when their waiter came to take their order, her son was startled and pulled quickly away from the latch, leaving her breast exposed and squirting with a mighty burst. “Breast milk shot across the table and onto the waiter. Embarrassment doesn’t even come close to describing my feelings about this scene.”
Pantsed by a fire hydrant
Reddit user Corialis shared that the fire alarm in her downtown apartment building went off on a busy weekday morning, so she ran downstairs in her pajamas to seek safety. Corialis was standing by the fire hydrant when a fire truck arrived. “Fireman pulls a hose to the hydrant to hook it up. He opens the cap and BAM I have no idea what was going on except that something has literally knocked me off my feet and is pushing me down the sidewalk until I collide with something hard and fall down.”
When she stood up, she realized her pajama pants were around her ankles, that she was soaking wet and that she’d been marooned by a fire hose. “That’s right folks, someone forgot to turn off the water to the hydrant, so as soon as the cap was removed water blasted out at full pressure, propelling me down the street until I hit a tree.”
Tell us: What are the most embarrassing stories you’ve lived to tell?
This post was sponsored by Sanuk.