We may be part of the same country, but sometimes the differences between East Coast and West Coast life are just so huge that it feels as if we come from different planets. If any West Coasters are rolling through the East Coast, there are a few things they need to know…
We’re not cutting you off, we just honestly believe no one will ever let us over
You might think you’re in a hurry, but we’re definitely on the way to something more important than whatever is going on in your life. When we whip in front of you on the interstates, we’re not trying to be jerks… we’re just trying to get where we’re going.
When the light turns green, you should already be rolling
You know how you can watch the light for crossing traffic to help get a sense of when you’re going to get the green light? We expect you to keep an eye on that. As soon as their light is red, you better start inching towards the crossing.
We’ll ride your bumper… but don’t want you on ours
In most instances, we’re not riding on your bumper out of meanness. Again, we just have somewhere to be and think shaving a few feet off the wait by tailgating you is the way to save time. That said: If you ride on our butts, we will slam on the brakes.
We take pride in being workaholics
You know how you get ahead? By working hard, taking pride in everything you do and being the one who stays the latest. We guarantee that the last person who leaves our office each night is always a lifelong East Coaster.
We will judge you for leaving the office for lunch
Taking an hour lunch every day doesn’t demonstrate your dedication to your boss or your office. It shows your dedication to procrastination and pie. Want to show just how serious you are about your job? Order a sandwich from the sandwich guy and eat it while you work.
Out and about
Street food is not only safe, but delicious
Mmm. Nothing is quite as refreshing as hot dogs that have steamed in the sun all day or chicken that’s been slow roasted while marinating in city bus fumes. Eat it. Love it. Shuddup about it!
We have no time for tourists
Stop walking slow. Stop standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Please, please attempt to figure out your directions on your own. If you must ask for help, listen closely the first time and don’t ask us to repeat.
Yes, we’re probably judging your outfit
No matter where you go, there are customary ways of dress. If you’re not following office trends or trying to look presentable while out for the evening, we’re going to give you a second, less forgiving glance. Why don’t you want to look nice? That’s how you impress others.
Your biggest competition is our career
Forget younger girls or better-looking options. At the end of the day, if you want our attention, you’re going to have to compete with our career for who gets first place among our priorities. You may hate it now, but when you want to retire and we’re living off our 401K, you’ll appreciate it.
We know you think we’re hard-as***. We understand that in your West Coast mentality, we’re hard and too aggressive. We don’t see it that way, though. We see our toughness and follow-through as signs of our dedication to work and to a better future for ourselves. If you’re going to live out here with us, we’re going to need you to put in that same kind of effort, hippies. Can you manage?