If you are like me and have not followed a punt or pass of football this season or this life, you can still get in on the fun.
t Whether you are into football, commercials or the not-so-good-for-you-but-so-damn-delicious grub associated with the big game, there are a few things you can do to plant your stake in the day and claim it as your own. Charge!
1. Pick your team
t If you are lucky enough to already have your top team competing before and after Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, that’s awesome. But if your team was knocked out, get over it and pick one of the two teams that still has a fighting chance. If you are like me and have not followed a punt or pass of football this season or this life, then ram your way into the festivities and spend an hour watching pre-game clips. That’s plenty of time to decide which team is your team, emotionally attach to a few players and generate enough pride to bite off all your nails if it’s a tight one.
2. Bet on your team
t Get some skin in the game! Show that you mean serious business by putting something real on the line. Bragging rights aren’t enough, either. Find someone to bet against and make it personal, such as swapping cars for a week if your team wins (for this example, pick someone with a nicer car than you). Winner gets a year’s supply of Cool Ranch Doritos, single serving packs! Or, winner gets new pair of classic aviator sunglasses with gold rims! Winner gets lifetime supply of cotton swabs (everyone needs those). Keep it simple but make it compelling.
3. Develop a superstition.
t Grab your lucky socks. Run twice around your house after every touchdown. Call three random people from your team’s city. Swig your drink with your left hand using only your thumb and middle finger to lift and tilt after every first down your team gets. Do the Cabbage Patch dance for a strong minute when there is a passing touchdown and the Roger Rabbit when they run it into the end zone. It’s important to plan ahead of time because these things matter. A lot.
4. Work out before 10 a.m.
t By now, you’ve got a lot invested in today. So just like any other proper holiday, part of the deal is to make sure you get your sweat on before any candy or turkey or Easter Eggs or margaritas or nachos distract you. This is not the day to take a leisure walk and call it a workout. Today, you will give it your all. Do you hear me? Do you hear me? Do a boot camp to get your mind in the proper place. It’s your small but important contribution to the team.
5. Support the team.
t Wear the colors. Cheer loudly. Get so happy you jump up when they get a first down and get depressed when the other team scores. You are in it to win it. Use your voice and get in on the raucous behavior. Burp.
6. Eat the food.
t Don’t get caught preparing for someone else to par-tay. Bring a dish to contribute if you are attending one, but get your fingers in there and take down some buffalo wings, woman!
7. DVR the commercials.
t Because of your investment in the intense times of play, you may not have time to watch the commercials. Let’s be real, you will be likely rehashing, refilling, replenishing or relieving during the commercial breaks.
t I’ll pick my team day-of, as my traditions go. Before kick-off, you bet I’ll be decked out in a T-shirt with my favorite player’s named ironed onto it, eye black smeared to intimidate my partygoing foes and have a year’s worth of snuggles with my sister’s dog Ringo on the line.