Here is an updated list of words that are annoying everyone around you, so unless you want your friends to hate you, stop saying them.
Photo credit: WENN/Kat Hobza
Thank you, Kardashians, for, like, making it popular, to like, overuse the word “like.” Abuse of the word “like” (using it more than once in a paragraph) makes our heads want to explode. But hey, if having the vocabulary of a kindergartener is your thing, then please, like, proceed.
Can we please, for the love of all that is good and holy, just go back to using the word “twin”? Why would we continue to use such a long, difficult-to-say, awkward word when we already have a perfectly good one — twin — at our disposal?
Sphere of influence
“Sphere of influence” is one of those irritating-as-f*** marketing phrases that people who don’t know that much about marketing throw around (to make it sound like they know a lot about marketing). If you’re saying this, we guarantee you are pissing people off. As a side note, assuming you are influencing people because you are “networked” with a large group is arrogant.
In the wheelhouse
Speaking of wickedly irritating office phrases that make us want to lurch ourselves in front of a FedEx truck, let’s not leave out “in the wheelhouse.” We could bore you with the origin of this phrase and answer the burning question, “What the hell is a wheelhouse anyway?” but we’d rather not. We will instead say that used in this context, “wheelhouse” is a departure from its origin, making it annoying and senseless.
Unless you are referring to a pile of marijuana, stop saying, “That’s dope.” What does this even mean? Are potheads so in love with weed that they think anything good is synonymous with dope? Stoners are heretofore forbidden from coining words and phrases. Their slang-inventing privileges have been revoked.
Unless you are using this sarcastically, please ration out the use of this word. In reality, few things/people are brilliant. Artistic communities (yes, Hollywood, we’re talking to you) have been so flippant in their application of this word that it has lost its significance. According to Dr. Jonathan Wai, a Duke University Talent Identification Program research scientist and psychologist who compiled a ranking of brilliant populations by country, less than 2 percent of the U.S. population is brilliant. It’s time to be a bit more judicious in our application of this adjective.
“Totes” is fun to say, but its expiration date is upon us. “Totes” and its root word “totally” have “totally” worn out their welcome, and it would please the masses if this word found its way to the word trash heap right next to the word “like.” That said, an exception can be made for, “Totes ma goats.” This phrase, borrowed from Paul Rudd‘s movie, I Love You Man, is still funny when used sparingly.
Let’s ship that
This is one of those super bad phrases bosses use to make themselves sound cool. Instead of saying, “Have you done what I asked you to do over a week ago?” they like to come at you with, “Let’s ship that.” Anytime our bosses manufacture jargon they think makes them look like less of an a**hole, it makes us want to light the building on fire.
God rid the world of the word “selfie” and selfies in general. When are people going to stop telling the world, “I think I look great, but I don’t have anyone in my life who loves me enough to take my picture, so I’ll just stand in front of a toilet and take this picture of my vainglorious self”?
No, no, no. We loathe the world “juxtaposition” and everything it stands for. It’s pretentious, hard to pronounce and unnecessary. “Correlation” and “association” were perfectly good words until we had to junk up our vocabulary with this clunky, high-brow word. Juxtaposition, your 15 minutes are up. Please exit stage left.
And juxtaposition, please take “double entendre” with you. There was nothing wrong with “double meaning” or “synonymous.”
Haters gonna hate
This phrase is obnoxious because it is implemented to justify poor behavior. Attention, 20-somethings — it is no longer fashionable to do whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want and justify your self-indulgent actions with, “Haters gonna hate.”
The time has come to vote “right” and all of its contemporaries (“I know, right?” or “Am I right?”) off the island. “Right” can go to the same island of annoying dead words that “juxtaposition” and “double entendre” end up on, and they can all talk about their glory days. Not replying to remarks with “right” is the right thing to do, and this is the right time to do it.